Im struggling with my psychosis and depression

[Sylvia26]

Hi guys, 

I haven't been on here in a long time, but I've been living with diagnosed schizophrenia, major depressive disorder, OCD, PTSD, panic disorder and anxiety disorder for 12 years now and I am struggling with my symptoms and triggers and agoraphobia at the moment.

I have tried absolutely everything to help myself get better, I take medication regularly, I've changed the medication, I've tried various counsellors and therapists and psychiatrists. Nothing seems to help. 

I dont know if anyone else here experiences psychosis or has schizophrenia? But my symptoms revolve around the belief that I can sense another person's energy and that people are constantly taking and giving energy whilst interacting. 

It drives me absolutely bonkers. This is a delusion, but it feels SO real that I have had attempts at taking my life because I have actually thought I can take my next door neighbours energy or they can take mine. 

THAT is my biggest issue at the moment and I'm wanting to move houses even though I have moved houses 3-4 times before because of this very reason. 

I also hear my neighbours speaking about me constantly and have strong paranoia. It make me feel so afraid and judged. I call helplines often. 

It also makes me very angry, and I sometimes feel like yelling back at them but then I'm the crazy lady. 

The problem is this follows me everywhere I go and even if I move, it will happen again and I don't know if I have the strength to move again. Not to mention what is happening with the rental market at the moment.

My lease renewal is due on the 30th of November, so I'm currently applying for properties like mad. Just in case I can get something before then.

If not I definitely need to find a way to deal cope with my paranoia and energy delusions because I really don't want to have another attempt at ending my life. 

If anyone has read all of this and has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Thank you for reading. 

[Former-Member]

heya @Sylvia26 😊 First up, I thought I'd tag 2 of our community guides @Shaz51 and @NatureLover and also some other forum members to say hi @Former-Member  ❤️ 

It sounds like you have been coping with so much for a while now. From tackling the rental market (it's TERRIBLE) to coping with some intense symptoms at the moment. I can tell you're a very strong person. Are there things you've done to get through these kind of times before? 

I don't have my own experiences of delusions or paranoia, but I certainly have felt a lot fo frustration about my own symptoms at times. It sometimes feels like I'm fighting myself! So I don't have specific suggestions, but thought I could link a few things for you 

• Here is a Topic Tuesday on Schizophrenia which might have some good information
• Have you heard of Hearing Voices? It's a network of people who hear voices or have different perceptions to others. They have peer groups all over the place which are really focused on people supporting each other. Is that something you'd be interested in? 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Sylvia26 , sending you lots of tender hugs my friend 

I am tagging @Bunniekins for you xx

[Sylvia26]

Hi @Former-Member,

Thanks for your response.

And thank you for the link to Topic Tuesdays. 

I will have a read through it.

I have been suggested the hearing voices group in the past by a support worker but I have never tried it. I might give it a go. With agoraphobia it is difficult but I manage to leave the house a little at times. It's good for me to get out of the house when I can. 

And yes, the rental market is a nightmare! I'm grateful that I have a lease extension at my current home, even though I feel the need to move. 

The current way I am coping to deal with the voices specifically is headphones with music. The energy delusion still baffles me after all this time as I really believe it exists but only I can feel or sense it. Its exhausting. But the hearing voices group might help with that, so thanks so much for your suggestions. 😊

[Sylvia26]

Thank you so much @Shaz51 🥰

Much appreciated 🙏 

[Shaz51]

❤ @Sylvia26 

Do you still have your cat xx 

[Sylvia26]

Yes! @Shaz51 

He's a great comfort to me at the moment. 🥰

[Shaz51]

Awww that is lovely @Sylvia26 

Our furbabies are the best xxx

[Sylvia26]

Yes, I agree @Shaz51 

He has helped me through some tough times. 

He is my main reason for living. 🥰 🐈 xx

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sylvia26  . My diagnosis is schizophrenia too - there have been additional ones suggested like autism and generalised anxiety disorder as well. 
May not be helpful to say, but you are not alone. One of my earlier delusions, when I was about 11, was that I could turn my thoughts into “packets” and insert them into other people’s heads. As I got sicker, I started to believe I had lost the ability to control it and I couldn’t stop my thoughts flying out my head into others heads. When I was in hospital at age 13, I thought I could influence the mood of a room, that when I was sad, everyone was forced to be sad too.

 I was “treatment resistant” for nearly 20 years, just kept getting sicker. I got passed around from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, once they realised I wasn’t getting better on the massive amount of medication they put me on, they palmed me off onto someone else. I even had my case reviewed by Pat McGorry and Nick Kecks, two of the most prominent psychiatrists in the state.

I did eventually respond to treatment. It can happen, even after a long time. Hang in there, keep your cats close! Try closing all the curtains and windows, anything that may help you feel safer.

It’s a rotten illness. I get annoyed sometimes at the activists who insist the world should celebrate “neurodiversity”, we spent so much time trying to convince people mental illness is as serious as physical illness. Now it’s going backwards as they insist it can be a “good thing” - no wonder policy makers get confused!