I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

I love them @Zoe7 thank you 💗 I was up with Noodle cat last night sitting with you and Mazarita and F&H. I don't think you could see me, but I was midnight (early morning) snacking on gelato in TOR dreaming of places I have never seen that you were all talking about. It was really lovely. Sending you big love Zoe x

[Zoe7]

Thankyou @CheerBear I was very grateful that F&H and Mazarita kept me company - it would have made my night if you had been able to as well - but I understand one is not always able to join in - I am glad though that you could dream a little along with us.

I know you are worried about today but guess what CB - you got this  Your strength, perserverance and courage (with a little help from mermaid psychiatrist) will get you through today - and then we will be here for you afterwards 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I am right here with you. You've got this...and you've got me and Dr Havetodo cheering you on and sitting with you in the muddle. 😊

[Mazarita]

Sending extra loving support to you,  @CheerBear, and strength, though you've already got that! 

[CheerBear]

I've had the most productive appointment with my psych in what seems like ages. Somehow we managed to talk about how difficult and challenging I have been finding our work and why. I was completely upfront and honest about how much I didn't want to go to the appointment today, how I felt like I wanted this to be our last appointment, how hard it is to feel like the finger is pointed at my brain or my personality etc. and how hard it is to need their support with c-link.

It was one of the most important discussions I have had with them. We worked together to 'clunk' our way through their perspective and mine, and find something that worked for both of us. It felt like they took a much more strengths vs deficit, collaborative approach that I was in control of today, which I appreciated a lot. We spoke about how hard it was to read this stuff on paper, so after my appointment they wrote the letter (they were going to write it over the weekend and email it to me) and then we read over it together to make sure I was comfortable with it and to take away the anxiety of finding out what it says at my c-link appointment (gotta love avoidance).

The letter lists a pretty big array of symptoms including eating issues, sleeping issues, hypervigilance, phobic reactions, panic attacks, helplessness, hopelessness, amotivation, impact on energy, agitation, anxiety, excessive startle response, decreased concentration, excessive rumination, but none of which I feel uncomfortable about or disagree with. The diagnoses are MDD and PTSD with no mention of personality anything. It concludes by saying that these things, together with all the other 'stuff' (also listed) significantly impact my ability to complete day to day tasks, engage in meaningful relationships and seek or maintain employment, therefore making me unsuitable for it at this time. It concludes with a statement saying that with appropriate treatment and time, things have the potential to one day improve for me, which gives me some glimmer of hope. When we booked our next appointment, we had a laugh together about how we both find our work hard sometimes (I think I may have said they drive me completely mad) but how in a strange way, it does work. I'm very thankful that we could work it out. Today feels like a teeny step towards fixing mashed brain.

It's been a massive day to end a massive week, and I'm totally spent, but it was worth it and I've done everything I can now to be prepared for next week. I am a mix of sad, tired, proud and hopeful. Mostly tired now though and glad the weekend is almost here and I can get a break from things.

Thank you to those who have come past today and those who continue to ride alongside me for the incredibly bumpy, wonky ride. I so very much appreciate it.

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜💐💕🤗💜💐💕🤗💜 @CheerBear ....

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear Your post made me super super SUPER smile. I am so glad you were able to work through the muddle with your psychologist and that they have written such a good letter for centrelink. I'm super super super happy for you.

[Appleblossom]

Hallo @CheerBear 

I kinda like this cocoon for a nest.

[CheerBear]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope and @Phoenix_Rising 😊 The feeling of relief I have right now is pretty huge. It's a great feeling.

@Phoenix_Rising - there was lots of really tricky PTSD vs CPTSD vs BPD/BPD traits and stigma (and what it means for people) talk today. My psych is a pretty hardcore white ship and we couldn't sit further on the other side of the fence on certain things if we tried, so these conversations can be fairly intense. I could feel you cheering with Dr Havetodo in my pocket today. With a bit of luck, today will have bought me time, which is maybe what I need most. I have a bit of a confession. Since I couldn't get to yoga on Monday, I haven't done any at all (I'm not all or nothing at all 😉) because I was too sad and too stressed. You mentioned the other day that those times are definitely the times to be doing yoga, and I agree. This week has been a total disaster in terms of mind/body stuff for me, and I have not felt at all chill in my body which is interesting given the absence of yoga practicing. From tonight I will make a point of getting back to daily treeing/warrioring/feet on walling/whatever posing thing is happening for the week. Thank you for the reminder ☺

Easy dinner, weekend where no scary anythings are happening, and fish chilling out with devices as a treat here tonight. It's pretty cool!

Hope you've both had a good day

[CheerBear]

Oh @Appleblossom I love your images. Can't wait to see it 🙂