I’m bored.. + some random thoughts

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n yeah like in my ethnic culture, we have to always show that we’re happy because if we dare to show any signs of unhappy/negative emotion or whatever especially in public or if we’re talking to I guess anyone really, then it’s very much frowned upon. Also, mental health there is not at all taken seriously either.

[tyme]

I think that's true in a lot of eastern cultures @Blackcloud 

[tyme]

What korean dish did you have for dinner @Blackcloud ?

[Blackcloud]

Which is why all of those eastern countries need to stop being conservative and need to change in becoming the more progressive countries within today’s society. If they did, then I would’ve wanted to permanently live in those countries. @tyme 

[Blackcloud]

hi @rav3n I thought I can share my answer to your question about the maladaptive daydreaming part you've asked me a few days ago since you might have not seen it.

Here

I was wondering how bad maladaptive daydreaming is especially when you've been doing it like...very much every single day for years??🤔

[rav3n]

hey @Blackcloud i'm definitely no expert on maladaptive dreaming but i have read that its fine as long as it doesn't interfere with your ability to function and get through each day. 

personally i do it multiple times everyday too and it has been a 'coping' tool for me. but i know that for some, it can go the opposite way and cause more rumination/harm. 

how do you feel about it? does maladaptive dreaming interfere with your day negatively?

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n honestly, I’ve always been a maladaptive daydreamer and have been doing this since I was in year prep..which thinking about it now, I did felt that that was the main reason that lead me to wanting to wanting to completely isolate myself from my peers including the people that I was once close with and even friends back in school with and not wanting them to be anywhere near me nor associate with me again. With the people I was once close with, there were times where it got to the point where I tend to overthink about the things that the people I was friends with would sometimes do or say to me that I wasn’t even fond of that would then lead me to contemplate many times on whether I should end the friendship with this person or not, to which the end result to that was usually - yes (end the friendship with them). Well I guess thinking about it now again, maladaptive daydreaming was AND is part of the main reason why I’ve always been like that I guess…

I still do maladaptive daydreaming to this day and….apparently it’s now to the point where after I wake up early in the morning I would stay asleep whilst daydreaming for the first few hours…and then I would get out of bed an hour or two later than usual… I’d also like to think that that’s part of why I usually don’t feel motivated to do tasks that are hands on.

At some point last year I would tend to turn up to morning classes (that start at 8:30am) later than usual - but I was still living with my parents at that time. Hence, my uni was more than 30-40 minutes away from where I live (if I go there by walk, but about 20-ish minutes away if I go by public transport). Thankfully I close to my uni now.

when I’m in the shower though, I don’t do maladaptive daydreaming. Instead, I normally hum to some songs while being in the shower - which is not a bad thing right?

why I’ve been turning into maladaptive daydreaming for THIS long now is cause unfortunately there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ person that exists on this planet earth…and so I always like to daydream about someone that I really like who looks conventionally attractive on the outside and is someone that always likes to offer people a listening ear and is really empathetic (including being a sympathy crier) and compassionate and is extremely kind and generous towards everyone they meet. I don’t know, I know it’s weird of me to think of it this way because I just really wish there would be someone like that that actually exists, although I am also aware of the risks (like the possibility of the person being taken advantage of) when it comes to someone having all of those traits that I’ve mentioned.

I feel like I should as well share this with my psychologist either next week or the  session after if I’m able to have the time/enough room within our sessions to talk to her about it.

Oh, and since I've never had any good experiences back when I was in primary AND high school at all, maladaptive daydreaming was part of the coping mechanism (or should I say the main part of the coping mechanism) and it still is till this day

really long post I know.

@Jynx if you’re interested in reading this too 🙂

[Jynx]

Thank you for sharing, and for the tag @Blackcloud!! Really interesting - and it's pretty cool to meet another daydreamer!! 

I actually no longer refer to my experiences as maladaptive though - I think it's just adaptive!! But that's me though, and I will 100% say that it used to be something that could interfere with my relationships, so mayhaps it was maladaptive once! 

The reason I feel somewhat resistant to the 'maladaptive' label is because I think, to a certain extent, it is rooted in capitalistic hustle culture - i.e. 'You can't be a productive worker if you're daydreaming all day'. And I despise capitalistic hustle culture. My daydreams have been massively helpful as coping tools, especially for someone with (at the time) undiagnosed ADHD whose brain is always going 100 miles an hour. I mean, my daydreams are my greatest tool for compartmentalisation - sometimes when I'm trying to drift off to sleep, if I'm too caught up mulling over something I'm anxious about, I can consciously push my mind into my daydreaming world and force myself to stop being so anxious. 

Having said that, I know it used to have a really big impact on my relationships - because whenever I had a crush on someone, they'd appear as a character in my story!! Which on the surface sounds cute and fun, but unfortunately the result was that I sorta ended up falling for my idea of the person in my head, instead of seeing them as their own individualistic self. And then that meant that I would start treating them like they were the character I'd made up - and I'd be disappointed whenever they didn't live up to my fantasy-world expectations of them!! It was kinda like I'd put them on a pedestal in my brain, and then they would also be feeling this from me, these expectations, and pretty much every single time, it lead to the relationship ending. 

My solution is that I now have separate little spots in my brain for thinking about real people who matter to me, vs the characters running about my head - and even invented a character for mine to fall in love with!! So the only one on a pedestal in my brain is someone made up entirely. She can always live up to my expectations! Hahaha

I think by definition it comes down to how impactful it is on your 'domains of functioning' (i.e. social life, home life, identity, work, purpose, etc) - like for me, it did once really negatively impact my relationships, but nowadays the worst thing I experience from it is being unable to sleep whenever I have writers block. Do you find a lot of negative impacts from your daydreams these days? What about positive impacts?

Anyway, those are my thoughts and experiences, always happy to bang on about my lil daydreams hehe. Thanks for reading! 😁

[rav3n]

i really thought i was having an 'original experience' this whole time but nope, you both do it too lol. i'm literally the same @Jynx i use it to calm my anxieties. i too find it really hard to fall asleep with my thoughts running wild so daydreaming helps me focus my thoughts. i also do it when i'm bored / completing boring tasks like cleaning, the daydream helps motivate me to stay engaged in the task sometimes. and honestly it's helped my social anxiety, building a story in my mind gives me less time to focus on the people around me in public spaces. 

@Blackcloud about the humming, i've actually heard that hums can be meditative and soothing for the body! i think singing also does a similar thing to our bodies in terms of soothing/calming.

oh and i definitely relate to both of you in terms of daydreaming crushes and the 'perfect' relationship... the number of meet cute, enemies to lovers, etc stories i've dreamed up... it's been comforting but i do agree, it made me have an unrealistic expectation of love & relationships at times. but i think acknowledging it and accepting that it was unrealistic helped heaps and i really like Jynx's idea of being aware and separating real and fantasy people.

and i think in general my daydream scenarios are quite positive ones, there's always a 'happy' ending in my stories... and i do feel that's why it has helped me cope during those anxious times. from what you've mentioned in regards to it impacting your friendships, do you tend to daydream more 'negative' scenarios? keen to hear your answer to Jynx's questions as well!

[Blackcloud]

@Jynx very interesting take! The part where you mentioned about having a crush on someone appearing as a character in your story and being disappointed when they dont live up to your expectations reminds me of the so-called ‘parasocial relationships’ I (like me and other Kpop fans too) would have with someone (e.g. a Kpop idol. But also, for me in the past, there were a few instances where someone in real life that I went to school with who I really like/obsessed with for whatever reason, I would use to daydream about them too until I stopped thinking about them completely like a year later and dont even care about them anymore because I knew all of them personally and their personality traits didnt even live up to my expectations. But with a kpop idol that I have the biggest crush on, it's easy for me to still daydream about them as I don't even know what their real personality is like off camera - or in other words, outside of their 'kpop idol' character).

I can’t think of any other negative impacts from my daydreams these days apart from the ones that I’ve already mentioned on my initial post.

Regarding the positive impacts of my daydream…im not too sure to be honest.

@rav3n  I also find it very hard to fall asleep at night when my thoughts are running with all of these things that im daydreaming about and so fourth that I usually struggle to fall asleep at night until like maybe 2 to a few hours later?

I personally dont find daydreaming to help me stay engaged in tasks though, because say if I’m about to start doing a task that I’m not very passionate about or dont wanna do, then I usually go back to bed straight away to take another rest whilst the daydreaming thoughts run through my head, and then I wouldn’t be able to do that task that I was meant to be doing later on. And these days I’ve been really hesitant to go back to volunteering at an OP shop as I’m already tired of volunteering or working in places where customer service is involved… I haven’t been volunteering there since around early or mid November last year. And it’s definitely do with me constantly daydreaming that really impacts me on wanting to or trying to get myself to participate in places or things that I no longer really wanna continue with.

In terms of daydreaming more ‘negative’ scenarios, I’d say those ones are more of the fact of where I normally daydream about my ideal person crying in a lot of cases (so in that case overall, they’re the type to cry easily), like e.g. they get emotional or sad when someone else cries or gets visibly angry about something, they cry when the people they’re close to cries, they cry from watching sad scenes in movies, they cry when someone they personally know dies etc...