I can’t cope

[Captain24]

That just bought tears to my eyes @Jynx Its so true. Thank you for sharing. It makes a lot of sense.

I do have a lot of forks at the moment and just seem to be getting more. Another fork today. I don’t get anything right. 

I feel like I’m on the edge of a complete breakdown. I just can’t handle anymore and I don’t know what dorks I can pull out. 

Thanks for considering me part of the fam. I probably don’t deserve it. My RSD is kicking in big time. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 soooo glad it was meaningful for you! Feel free to use the analogy any time you need to talk about how you're feeling 😉

When you say 'on the edge of a breakdown' what does that mean for you specifically? And have you felt like this before? 

You don't have to 'deserve it' according to your values, to still deserve it according to others'! I think you deserve to be part of the fam whether you agree with me or not 😉

[Bow]

I really liked that too @Jynx  can heaps relate.

apparently there is a couple more too

 

[Jynx]

Oh I love it @Bow thanks for sharing!! Haha we are all cutlery 🤣

[Bow]

There was a 6th one on some of them..,, pastry blender @Jynx  but chose to leave that one out

[Jynx]

Yeah the whole concept might need a bit of a TW hey @Bow - for @Captain24 and anyone else reading along too, be aware that there's some graphic descriptions if you go googling this 'mental illness cutlery' analogy! 

The community appreciates your wariness Bow 😊

[Captain24]

Yeah.. so I googled it. Couldn’t help myself. @Jynx @Bow. That’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment though. Thanks for giving me the option and not just putting it there. I had the whole drive to think about whether to or not. 

[Captain24]

T/W intrusive thoughts. 

@AuntGlow 

I have another fork @Jynx. I need to get so much out I just need to vent it. It needs a trigger box but I can’t do it from my phone. Hopefully everything is forums safe. I am safe

At work last night I called up one of the supervisors about a run that the roads were really bad. I would have pulled the circuit up if I was on it. So I called him on the supervisors channel and asked if he could get a grader to their area. He had a go at me so I just said ‘don’t bother then’ and changed radio channels back so I could hear his response. I was only looking out for my work mates. I hate that I care and I hate that I think of others. 

@moderator can you please put this in a trigger box? 

Content/trigger warning

I feel like I’m going crazy @Jynx. My head is all over the place. I have so much built up rage inside that it feels like my body is shaking. My chest gets so tight that I just can’t breathe. I feel like I’m just going to collapse in a pile on the floor. I feel like I’m just going to break into a million pieces. I feel on edge. I feel like I’m going to explode. I feel so angry at the world. I just want to breakdown in a sobbing mess and have someone to hold me. I won’t allow myself to cry though. I just feel like I’m at breaking point. I feel like I can’t take anymore on board. I’m having lots of SI and SH thoughts. I’m not going to act on them. I am safe.

I really need to talk to you but I have work tonight. I’m going to have a shower and go to bed. I really need rest. 

I know you won’t have time to respond to this mess before I go to work but I just felt that I need to be heard. 

My recovery focus is a hot shower and some sleep and actually getting out what is brewing inside me. Maybe getting it out somewhere will lessen the load. 

If this post is not ok please delete it. 

[TunedIn]

Hi @Captain24 

I can hear that you have a lot going on right now with the incident that occurred at work last night where your Supervisor had a go at you. It makes sense you're feeling angry and upset and needing to talk and wanting to find a way to release the pent up emotions inside. It's okay to cry and want someone to hold you - even if you feel this is something you won't allow yourself to do. Well done for identifying what you want and need! It's great you're reaching out here too - you are not alone 🌿

I can hear that whilst your struggling with suicidal and SI thoughts you are safe and using strategies to help you cope. Is there any other type of support you'd find helpful from the Community right now?

TunedIn 🦋

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Captain24, sorry to hear that you are going through tough time at the moment and thank you for letting the community know that you are safe.

It can be hard to cope with challenging thoughts and feelings and reaching out can be beneficial to talk with someone who underdstands. The Forums are a great place to connect with your peers and share these times as they may have insights to share with similart situations.

I encourage you to connect with the communtiy when you really need to talk wih someone as there are many Members who can offer peer support.

Thank you for shaing you recovery focused plan and I hope that it did lessen the load for you.

Take care

RiverSeal