I can’t cope

[Captain24]

So you don’t think I’m overreacting? @Jynx.

I can’t do anything about it as it’ll put a bigger target on my back. I just have to toughen up I guess. 

Usually I can take it better but my MH is so bad that I think it’s getting to me easier. It’s triggering so much. I’m in a dark place. 

She is beautiful she is still sitting in the same spot with that cute little smile. It warms my heart. 

[Jynx]

In all honesty I think you're underreacting @Captain24 - but I do also see that if you were to do something about it, it might actually make things worse. Do what you need to do to protect your peace, of course!! But I think... well from the sounds of it, they don't go for anyone else? If so, then you've already got the biggest possible target on your back. And if they never face consequences for their abhorrent behaviour, they're just gonna keep doing it. Maybe getting raked across the coals by the Work Ombudsman would teach them not to be cruel to others. Not saying it has to be you though. I'm just all fired up because someone is being horrible to my dear Captain and I wanna go MESS EM UP!! With the LAW!!!

I don't want you to toughen up 🥺 Toughened up humans usually have closed off hearts, can't or won't show empathy, and are super cynical and sometimes toxic. Don't do it! Be soft and kind with me 😊💜

[Captain24]

You have a way of making me cry @Jynx. 

Im torn into 2. Am I a bad person like I think? Or am I who you see? It’s hard to see myself through someone else’s (your) eyes as much as I want to. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I do seem to have a knack don't I? I hope it is releasing lots of stressy muck from your system, as a good cry tends to do 😚

It's sooo hard hey hun esp because you've been told soooo many times that you're not a good person, then me and the forums gang come along and shower you with affection and acceptance... I mean, no wonder your system is all turvy topsy!! So much conflicting information!! 

In the end, you do actually have power over which narrative you believe. You can legit start saying to yourself that you choose to believe the people who lift you up rather than believing the people who keep trying to rip you down. 

I should probably say nighty night my dear. You working tomoz? Cos if they start up again, you can always repeat a lil mantra to yourself, like "Their truth is not my truth" or "Their cruelty only shows their character, not mine". Somethin like that. And of course, I am always here to listen if you need to vent about it - spill some tea w me!! 

Rest well, and give your doggos a cuddle from me 😋💜

[Captain24]

It’s hard @Jynx. The bad stuff has been around longer than the good stuff. 

I have to work for the next 2 nights so I won’t be around. 

Thank you for being you. Oh and making me cry! 

I hope the dishes go well. I looked at my kitchen and had to tidy it after giving you grief over your dishes! Thanks for the motivation 

[Jynx]

Hooray! Dishes gang!! Oh now I really have to make sure I do them...

Hahaha nighty night @Captain24 😉

[Captain24]

I just went grocery shopping and I had to people. Mum and dad were there and I had to talk to them. Then a couple that I use to work with was there and they had to talk. I then had to go to the vet and there was a guy there that I use to work with and he wanted to chat too. 

Im drained. It’s so hard to be able to mask enough so no one notices. So no one notices how bad I feel. So no one notices the dark place I’m in. So no one notices that I am desperate to end my life.

[Ru-bee]

Really hearing how draining that would have been for you @Captain24 It always seems to be the times when you really don't want to see anyone that you bump into everyone you know at the shops

I am worried about that feeling of desperation, are you feeling you can be safe at the moment?

[Captain24]

One of them even commented on my excessive body size. @Ru-bee. I usually like to get in and get out before anyone sees me. I’ll even avoid the aisles if I know someone in it. 

The desperation is really bad. It has me considering things in my existence. But at this very second I am safe

[Ru-bee]

It baffles me how anyone thinks that it's okay or appropriate to comment on things like that @Captain24 

Do you have a safety plan that you can follow to try to keep safe today?