I can’t cope

[Oaktree]

@rav3n @Captain24 

It’s mainly wood fired pizzas and pub food

[Captain24]

You sound like my psych.. feelings aren’t facts! @rav3n. It’s hard to believe though. They are controlling. 

Im watching my dogs chew on their bones and both are really happy but don’t want anything to do with me. 

Im just sitting on the lounge willing myself to just leave this world. I won’t do anything though.

Im enjoying it. A lot of bad stuff happens in a tiny little place! Typical soapy stuff. 

[Captain24]

Love pub food @Oaktree 

[Captain24]

I’m guessing that this is all my life will be. 

I guess I’ll sleep well now. Not that it matters

[rav3n]

"feelings aren't facts" exactly!! i do hear you though, it is hard to believe especially when we're already feeling low. @Captain24 but i'm here to remind you whenever you need.

them chewing away at the bone you gave them just shows how well you take care of them.

thanks for confirming your safety, i know it's not easy with those intrusive thoughts. the community is here for you, and please don't hesitate to text SCBS or LL if those thoughts feel unsafe again.

soapy stuff can be a nice lil escape!! i hate drama for myself but watching tv drama... i enjoy hehe

i'm off for tonight, please take care and reach out if you need anything 💜

[Captain24]

I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve done so much self care stuff today. I’ve had a nap today. I’m doing the best I can but I still don’t want to be here. Why is everything I try not working? Why am I such a failure? Why am I so useless? I should be asleep but I’m lying in bed with all these thoughts running through my head. 

[Captain24]

It’s 1:30 and I’m still awake. I’m not even tired. I’ve just finished off a Lego kit, done some of my wooden puzzle and done some diamond art. 

I’ve gotten back into bed to try again. If sleep doesn’t come then I’ll clean my house. 

How ridiculous. 

Does this mean a mania is coming on? I can’t go from one extreme to the other. It takes to much toll on me. 

[Captain24]

I finally went to sleep but I only got 3.5 hours. I’m really tired today. At least it’s not mania.   

I did do some housework this morning. But now I’ve got nothing. 

I feel nothing and I am nothing. 

Will I ever have hope for myself again? Will I ever feel worthwhile. Am I actually worth it? 

[Captain24]

I’ve just spent most of the day asleep. Probably means I won’t sleep tonight. But I just had to. I can’t face the day. I can’t face anything right now. I’m trying to follow my safety plan but it seems too much in itself. I wish this storm would come. Maybe it’ll wash me away. 

[Bow]

We’ve had storms on and off today @Captain24  woke in the middle of the night to the loudest thunder. 
sleep…. Rest is ok. I’ve spent most of the day on my bed. D has come down with a fever. She went to her father’s this morning but asked to come home early. I also went to the shops when I dropped her off…. Couldn’t find any of the Lego I wanted at target or bigw 😞