I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Mum has messed me up big time @Jynx. A lot of the childhood stuff I missed out on because they were so controlling. I wasn’t allowed to do anything. 

I’ve eaten, I’ve had a shower and washed my hair, I’ve been sitting and watching tv for a while. 

Im trying to breathe, I’m trying to control myself but I can’t. I can’t stop the thoughts. I made a mess of myself getting dehydrated and no I’ve made an even bigger mess of myself. 

Im scared 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 pouring energy into trying to stop thoughts often feels like the thing we need to do, because it feels like the thoughts are the cause of the distress. I always find that doing so ends up making me feel worse. It's like when you're at the beach, and get caught in a rip. Every part of the panicked brain wants us to start desperately swimming back to shore, but all that's gonna do is tire us out quicker. What we need to do is let ourselves get carried out - let the thoughts come without fighting them or identifying with them. Wait until they've said what they need to. THEN focus on swimming across and finding our way back to shore - aka focus on those little things that help our bodies process all the stressy chemicals, like movement, mindfulness, and patting a dog!

I will be heading off soon, so I should say goodnight - @tyme is still around if you need. Be gentle with yourself! Big hugs 🫂🫂

[tyme]

Sitting with you @Captain24 

Do you need help?

[Captain24]

I need to calm down. I need to slow my thoughts. I need to regain control. I’ve lost it. @tyme. The thoughts are so loud and so strong. 

[tyme]

BREATHE @Captain24 

Focus on something. Notice it. Feel it. Weigh it. Colour it.

[Captain24]

I have a little black ball on my lap. He’s 3.3 kg. I’m just patting him. @tyme 

My chest still hurts a lot. The thoughts are slowing but are deep and dark. Very dark. 

I’ve been so up and now so far down. It’s exhausting. Will it ever end. Will it ever stop. 

[tyme]

Were you okay a bit earlier tonight? @Captain24 

Did something happen? I'm sorry if you posted it and I missed it.

[Captain24]

I did a lot of stuff this morning and then dehydrated myself mowing the lawns. I couldn’t finish them. @tyme. 

I set a boundary with my bestie and said I couldn’t do something. It all started to spiral from when I got sick with the lawns. As the night has worn on it’s just gotten worse. 

Nothing other than the dehydration and stressing about the boundary. 

[tyme]

You've always known how your bestie is. Yes, she's your bestie, but she's also 'needy' as you say. There's only so much you can give. 

If you've set the boundary to protect yourself, then you've done the right thing.

Also, do you have cordial or electrolytes? Dehydration can make you feel HORRIBLE! @Captain24 

[Captain24]

She wanted me to go to her work and fix something. I didn’t even know she had a job! @tyme. I was cleaning the house and about to bath the dogs. If I stopped I would have lost momentum. I hadn’t showered for 2 days either. The best thing was for me to say no.

I didn’t know cordial would work. I’ve just been drinking water. My cordial is sugar free though. 

Yes I feel horrible and I’ve got work tomorrow.