I can’t cope

[Bow]

hey @Captain24  just stopping by to say hi.  Please go easy on yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last few weeks, a lot of changes and it will take time to settle back into your new. 

[Captain24]

Hey @Bow. 

It’s been a massive few weeks. From being in the verge of death to feel so good and finding myself again to coming home and struggling to readjust. Just thinking about it all makes realise why I’m so exhausted. 

Im sorry about your SW situation. It must be so hard on top of everything else. 

[Captain24]

I just saw my CM one successful hospital visit and they are looking at discharging me. She is my biggest support. My Pdoc through comm MH is fabulous but I won’t be able to see her anymore. I’ve got one last visit with the Pdoc when they can get me in. I have to email my CM after I’ve finish this work block. She said she is only my safety net not my support.

I’m a little stressed as my psych isn’t as good as her and now I’ll have to find a private Pdoc. I can try and get in contact with my hospital Pdoc but I’m not sure she does outpatients.

Just when I feel like I’m going forward everyone leaves. I need help to keep going forward. I am already seeing warning signs. No motivation, not showering, too much sleeping. Im not ready to be left on my own. 

Feeling really concerned right now.

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ... BREATHE.

I'm so sorry you received this news. I hear how upsetting it can be at this time. 

At the same time, I want you to know you are not alone in being discharged from case management. 

I remember speaking to my CM in the past and he said that CM is a short-term intervention for about 6 weeks for most people who are experiencing SI. 

I recognise this is a very raw moment so I don't want to go through too much.

For now, focus on what's most important to you. Consider your growth. Consider how far you have come. Consider the difference between now and the past few weeks. 

I'm here if you need a chat.

[Captain24]

Only 4 weeks ago I almost gave in. My life just wasn’t worth living and Pix and Jett were better off without me. @tyme 

A lot has changed in 3 weeks and I have changed but I’m nowhere near recovered. 3 weeks can’t fix where I was. I get that it’s only for a short amount of time and I have been there 18 months. But I’m scared. What happens if I go too far backwards? 3 weeks can’t change me forever, can it? 

[Jynx]

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@Captain24 wrote:

Some days I’m ok and understand that I’m always going to have this but mostly it gets me down that I’m stuck with it and will never get better.  @Jynx.

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We may never be 'cured' but it doesn't mean we won't get better - better at coping, managing, balancing; at living with our diagnoses and finding new ways to work through the things that challenge us. And honestly, the skills and lessons I've learned have made me a better person in so many ways. I have every confidence in you and your capabilities, and know that just like me, someday you'll be looking back at these moments of doubt and be in awe of how far you've come. 

Hope that your arvo has been okay! 

[Captain24]

Sorry @Jynx. I’ll reply tomorrow. I’m feeling really bad tonight. It’s not going well at all. It feels like the last 3 weeks were just a waste of time. 

[Bow]

@Captain24 Im disappointed for you. I’ve been under comm mh case management for at least a couple of years. I’d be pretty angry at being discharged straight after one inpatient stay. Yes you have changed and learnt heaps, and I know you want things to change, but they are placing a lot of pressure on that one stay. Say if you were traveling really well a bit down the track then yeah, discharge you, but not straight away. 

[Jynx]

Understandable @Captain24 and I won't press you, despite every bone in my body urging me to provide a boatload of reassurance. I can check in with you tomorrow? 

I'm around for another hour and a bit so do tag me if you want, otherwise I hope you can get some rest tonight 💜

[Captain24]

Dark thoughts so soon😢