I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I shouldn’t over think it @Jynx. She will be proud that I went to hospital and done so well. 

Maybe when I get back to work things will settle down. I’m probably overthinking myself. I shouldn’t think about how I’m feeling I should just run with it. 

[Jynx]

There's a time to reflect on what we're feeling and a time to just run with it @Captain24 - sounds like this is the latter. And yeah once your regular routine is back in action, it should get easier to roll with it too!

[Captain24]

I just gotta let go @Jynx. I need to stop putting pressure on myself.

Anyway how are you? 

[Jynx]

So long as you don't put too much pressure on yourself to stop putting pressure on yourself @Captain24 😝

I mean I'm half joking half not lol, mental health recovery (for me, anyway) has been rife with paradoxes - when I stopped caring what others thought of me, they liked me more, when I stopped trying so hard to be confident, I gained confidence in my stumbling silliness, when I stopped trying to repress my weirdness, I found it became one of my most valued qualities. 

I am not too shabby my friend, enjoying the cooler weather for sure - almost time to break out my oodie! You a fan of the colder months?

[Captain24]

I just gotta let myself just be @Jynx. Bipolar makes it hard as you are always questioning your mood. If I’m happy am I too happy and it’s going to go too far. If I’m down does that mean I’m heading all the way down. If I’m just content, how long will this last..

I HATE the cooler months. I’ll be whinging all winter about being cold. You never once heard me complain about the heat though. 

[Jynx]

Mm for sure @Captain24. To have such intense emotions is a blessing and a curse - which to me is exactly what life is, it is the best, and the worst; the ripe, and the rot. 

Perhaps it's not the emotional state that needs close monitoring, but the associated behaviours? Like instead of undercutting your happiness by fearing it might be pushing into mania, watching out for risk-taking behaviours or inflated grandiosity (or whatever your particular experiences are); and same with low moods, where perhaps it's better to just let it be, but monitor for like, inability to engage in self-care or other things that usually bring you joy. Food for thought! Might be useless haha just parroting off what my friend with BD2 says she finds helpful. 

Ohhh no you poor thing! Haha we're opposite then. But perchance, do you at least enjoy watching the leaves change colour? Wait you're out a bit rural though right, probably aren't many deciduous trees out your way.... 

[Captain24]

I like that. @Jynx. It’s only been 2 years for me so I’m still learning and understanding. I’m still stuck on the ‘this thing is for life’ I will always have to watch. I will always need MH supports.

You make me laugh.. yes I am rural but we do have trees! 😜 I do like the autumn leaves we have 2 really beautiful parks and when the leaves fall

its just magic. Pix loves running through them and I’m excited to take Jett through them too. I’ll take photos for you. The other good thing about autumn is the snakes start to hibernate! There’s been quite a few baby browns spotted around her recently. 

[Jynx]

Oh for sure, it's a big one @Captain24. I know my ADHD is very different to bipolar (although there's a weird amount of crossover of symptoms with ADHD, ASD, BD, BPD, and C-PTSD, but that's a topic for another day haha) but learning that I wasn't going to get better, that no matter what I will always struggle with this stuff every day - it's a LOT. But it does get easier over time, especially because having this knowledge and insight means we can make sense of why we do what we do, and stop comparing our journeys to neurotypicals - because we're just on a completely different playing field. But hey, needing MH supports isn't a bad thing in my books! It means I always have a safe space to turn to, I'm always working on new skills and ways of coping, and I refuse to let myself stagnate and become complacent. Imagine doing this whole whacky 'life' thing all by yourself? No thanks!

Oh yay, that's good to hear! I think my fav spot for tree leaf colours was always Canberra. Not much goes on there but gosh darn it, it is very pretty. 

Aww yesss I look forward to seeing the little ruffians (hehe get it, RUFFians? lol) diving into big crunchy piles!! So cute!! 

I am off soon deary so I bid you adieu, but rest up good and I shall chat to you all too soon🫂💜

[Captain24]

Some days I’m ok and understand that I’m always going to have this but mostly it gets me down that I’m stuck with it and will never get better.  @Jynx.

There is a lot of crossover I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD as well. That is what my pdoc in hospital diagnosed. 

Im just feeling a little sorry for myself today. 

[Captain24]

Hey @NatureLover 

Im hoping you are ok?

I haven’t seen you around and am a little concerned for you.