Lived Experience Forum

[MRV]

Hi

I’m new here and it’s my first time posting. I feel like I have no where else I can turn or go to. Please bear with me. It will be long and jumbled. 

I live with my partner (ex partner now I think) and usually things are good. We have had a huge blow up last night. He brought up my past relationship where the guy was secretly bi and cheated on me with guys and girls. That point in my life made me feel ashamed that I wasn’t good enough for this person and my self esteem and confidence took an all time low. 
I broke it off with that person over 10years ago but jumped straight into a relationship with current partner like a month later. I never dealt with how the bisexual partner made me feel or anything. So to cut everything short. My current partner starts making fun of me about it all and I cry. He takes my crying that I still have feelings for him (totally don’t), things get heated he says mean things I say mean things back that I know will hurt him. He got that angry he threw a plate of food at me, it missed but hit our daughter (she is okay). He throws a chair at the roof and puts a hole in our rental roof. And when he tried to go near our daughter he hit I stood in his way cos my mumma bear came out. So he physically restrained me in a violent way, in front of our 8yo and 6yo. They aren’t speaking about it atm and acting like it never happened. That’s a convo I have to have with them when he isn’t around. 
He slept on the couch last night. No complaints as I was a mess mentally. 
This morning we aren’t speaking. He acts all sweet and loving to the girls which isn’t normal. Usually he ignores them. I send him a text while he is at work and apologised for what I said and I shouldn’t have said it. And I explained why I cried (having low self worth). He gets home from work ignores me and gives all attention to the girls. That’s fine. He is angry let him deal with it. 
what is hurting atm is… this morning he was calling me a s**t and w***e to the girls. Saying he isn’t coming home that night. That he will have them on weekends. And we aren’t together and he hates me. and the reason he was mad was my fault. It’s affecting the kids. I can see. We have a school event tomorrow and he tells the kids that we are taking seperate cars cos he doesn’t want to be near me. 
it’s killing me that he is saying these hurtful things and the kids are involved. 
he is currently sleeping on the couch cos he hates me and it’s over and I came down to have a cry and type this. 
the 2 friends I did have were his brothers girlfriends but he had a fight with the brothers so the girlfriends aren’t speaking to me (a whole other drama in itself). 
sorry I just needed to get this off my chest. And just needed to tell a ‘friend’ as I have no one in my physical life to tell

[Jynx]

Hey @MRV  welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through, it sounds like it's been both painful and frightening for you. I get the impression your partner has made some extreme assumptions, and has closed himself off to open communication and resolution of any kind. It's deeply unfair of him to take it out on you - and it's never okay to resort to violence, especially when there's kids around to see it. 

I'm glad you found us here, it's always helpful to have a space where we can vent openly and talk to others who may have experienced similar. You could also call 1800respect to talk it through with one of the counsellors there, they're super caring and trained to help support folks in situations like yours. 

I have sent you an email to check in, so keep an eye out. 

Also, we have some Tips & Tricks for newbies if you wanted to check it out.

I hope you find it to be a warm and welcoming community, feel free to pop in to other threads to say hello as well 😊