Funeral

[The-red-centaur]

A family member of mine died last week. The funeral is on Monday. I'm anxious about seeing the rest of my family. I'm also scared of what feelings will come up. I am going back to a town I spent a lot of my childhood in, a place I haven't been to in 20 years, this also comes with its own anxiety. 

I don't know how I'll cope. Tbh I tried to suicide when I heard about the death. I'm safe at the moment, things are just heard, and I have so many feelings I don't understand.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @The-red-centaur 

Very sad time that brings up many emotions when soneone passes.

Thoughts are with you.

Have you got a reason to be worried about going?

If it upsets you and you are unsure of coping, do you really have to go?

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member 

It's complicated with my family of origin. There was a lot of trauma in my childhood. Also some of my family has rejected and disowned me due to me being trans and having mh issues. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @The-red-centaur 

I think it falls in the category of a simple list with 2 columns.

Column One. What are the Benefits of going

Column Two. What are the Benefits of not going.

Your mental health has to be on one of the lists.

I hear no family support.

Do you have any friends to support you?

Also do not give up. You may advocate for others in similar situation later on.

I imagine you have had many life experiences that can help others when you are ready

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur 

Maybe 4 columns

Column One. What are the Benefits of going

Column Two. What are the Benefits of not going.

Column Three. How will l feel if l do go.

Column Four. How will I feel if i do not go.

Sometimes we have to look after ourselves first.

That chart will be easy to read and analyse.

Sometimes we overthink without a plan.

[NatureLover]

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@The-red-centaur wrote:

There was a lot of trauma in my childhood. Also some of my family has rejected and disowned me due to me being trans and having mh issues. 

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So very sorry to hear this, @The-red-centaur  😞

Will be sending wishes for you that you can cope... 🤞

[NatureLover]

@The-red-centaur  How did the funeral go, and going back to your home town? 

[Eve7]

Sending love and support @The-red-centaur 

❤️❤️

[The-red-centaur]

Sorry it's taken me a while to respond.

Things have been pretty tough. After the funeral I ended up in hospital and things have really set in. I feel numb. Reverted back to sever self harm after being discharged. My psychiatrist doubled my meds. My step dad has about a week to live and I'm not ready for his death. I dreamt I visited him last night and watched him die. I can't though, He lives in Europe. I wish I could give him my life. I don't want it but that's not how life works so I'm just stuck.

[tyme]

Hi @The-red-centaur ,

I'm sorry to hear how rough things are for you right now. It must be hard for you that you cannot see your step-dad even though he has about a week to live.

Do you have supports in place who you can speak to about what's happening for you?

You deserve to be heard.