Fear

[Chris]

Hi peace.
fear has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember.About six years ago I saw a new psychologist,and for the first time I felt like someone really understood me, but more than that she gave practical skills to help cope.one of the main tools was to do breathing exercises. Slow the breathing down.Mindfulness exercises too, you can look on YouTube and find some that suite you.distraction is another tool nice long shower focus on the feel of the water,scent of the soap.google debt self help, there is a section on distress tolerance lots of things there you can try.Recently we had a prowler around the house which has really unnerved me. so I do what I need to to make me feel safe, a retual of locking the whole house and making sure security sensor light are on.leave your bedroom light on if it helps. It's all about doing things to reduce you stress and distress.havivg a dr or psychologist that understands you can make all the difference.hang in there, I know how tough it is, but things will improve.

[peace]

Hi @Loopy that made me cry. Soo true.

[peace]

Just wanted to post here as well. I decided to start the new meds. So far so good. Still a little bit anxious but not off the wall fearful. Get to see my psychiatrist tomorrow.
On Sat 20th it is the 9th year since the trauma and horror of the accident that I was in killed my 4year old son and literally ruined my life.
I don't know how I live to be honest. Yet my daughter is grateful that I can be here for her even when I am deeply f'ed up. I am so blessed to have her. Almost lost her to drugs as she loved her little brother as she had just turned 18 when he died. He Dad my first partner was killed in a road accident also when she was only 10 months old. I I raised her with no family support or finances. Just grief and depression oh and horrid guilt that I was not 'good enough'. Gotta say thanks everyone. I I so need and appreciate you all here. It is therapeutic for me. Goodnight

[Alessandra1992]

@peace, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy..
You are good enough! His did your appointment go today?
When words fail, hugs are all I have OOOOOOOO

[Rick]

Oh Peace,

My heart breaks for you. I have no words that fit. I am a parent and I understand the love.

All I can say is,the new meds? I really hope they help.

You have undergone so much I pray you will find some relief.

You do not deserve self hatred. 

Just keep posting, talking. 

We are here for you. take what you need.

God bless Peace

Rick

[peace]

Hi. I struggled through today. Finally found a little comfort in the evening. I was able to sit and watch tv with my daughter and grandson. Your post are so very comforting. @Rick and @Alexander 1992. So very very comforting. Tears are healing at times aren't they?
My appt was not as helpful as I want. I'm still coming to terms with the fact there is no magic bullet. I have been fortune enough to have my boss allow me a week off. But of course I must return or face the humiliateing consequences. I am gratefuk none the less. Deep peace is my souls desire. My ambition in life. Thank you x

[kristin]

Dearest @peace 

You know every time I write your forum name with the mention symbol before it I read it as "at peace". I feel it as a prayer for you. That you might be at peace and live, carrying these huge burdens of grief and trauma in a far gentler place. That you might find and recognise the immense gifts of courage and compassion which you clearly bear.

No wonder you are suffering from such acute anxiety and panic attacks if tomorrow is a trauma "anniversary" of such huge proportions for you. I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your baby boy, and for the loss of your daughter's dad. When you are experiencing such despair hold on, in your heart and mind, to the anchors which your daughter and grandson clearly are. 

Christmas is such a difficult time when we have experienced loss and grief, all the more so when there are heart-rending events associated with this time.

I want to share something which has helped me a great deal over the years, it is a reminder for me that courage is not the same as brave - it is much greater and deeper. Courage is not the absence of fear or despair, but persistence in the face of them. 

I know you probably cannot see it but you are amazing to have survived so much. If you survived and remained untouched (being able to be "normal") in the face of these traumas you would have to be a robot. You clearly have far too much persistent humanity to be a robot, and this is something to celebrate (although I acknowledge that it probably does not feel like it).

The pain is agony, but I wonder whether you had anything like enough appropriate and compassionate help at the times of these traumas to enable you to process the grief and horror. When we don't have timely help, and when we experience multiple traumas, they become layered on each other. The outcome is what you are experiencing - so I hope your psych is a kind compassionate one. 

Blessings and love on your journeying, 

Kristin

[Neb]

Here for you to vent. Lots of stuff happening in your life.....stop.....breathe......nurture yourself....love your special people....stop.....breathe.....nurture yourself ( coffee, quiet time, nap, plenty of fluids and fresh air )

[peace]

Gratitude and Blessing so deeply returned. So deeply feel blessed myself. So so touched. Thanking you @Kristen and @Neb and Sane forum.

[Rick]

Hello @peace 

My dear lady, you are an example to all of us. Someone who keeps going even when they want to.

Not wanting to is a common symptom of PTSD. Wanting to lie down and wait for the end is nothing to shamed about. Given your horrendous experience who would'nt feel that?

PTSD even in it's simple form is difficult to treat. Complex PTSD which developes over a time scale and is predicated very often by time left untreated is harder again. Their are so many aspects to complex PTSD that it is difficult to have any separation between pathologies. When I say pathologies think in terms of illnesses. That's the complex form is. It is multiple illness syptoms with a singular diagnosis.

The problem with it often is that they blend with each other and therfore are not easily separated. Treatments the the complex are problematic.

Because of the treament resistance inherent in the condition we develope more cognitive strategies and strengths to make it throu the day.

Being triggered happens far too easily but with time and self patience the affects of these triggers do become less damaging.

Actually having a trauma related condition is in itself traumatic. And that flows over the rest. 

It's complicated because it's a complex. Comlpex meaning many faceted.

So please cut yourself a little slack. You are experiencing life at it's sharpest and the cuts run deep.

But you are not helpless. By engaging in this forum you are in fact accepting a form of therapy.

I can only admire you and your many strengths and courage.

Thank you  for this example. It is inspiring. You are inspiring.

I can see your courage like a lighthouse lamp in a storm. I am grateful

Be good to you. Be kind to you.

Hope endures whether we want it to or not

rick