Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Jacques]

Hello my poor angel, you are really having a tough time aren't you.

Well I am no teacher, but I think the teachers will be more focused on helping the girls than blaming anyone.

I am so sorry, I was just trying to help with the lifeline thing. Maybe you should see how many people here and are worried about you. Karen everyone here wants you to live a good life with your girls.

Please don't say their is no help, their is always help, it comes from the most unexpected places.

Ride out the wave Karen, tomorrow is a new day.

I am here if you're u need me.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Im so sorry I didn't mean to worry anyone.

[Appleblossom]

I cant say what the individual teachers will do but most of them are in the field to care about the development of the children and will probably have seen a lot.

Knowing you care and can contribute they may encourage you to help out even more.  I have had many positive experiences with teachers and I had to deal with all the wicked stepmother shame .. yet often times I would be surprised by the teacher's insight.

Changing the subject, did you have any work or interests of your own before children(BC)? A lot of ladies I know talk about BC and plan on how to reclaim the positive parts of their younger selves.  We never go fully backwards

I really loved that you wanted to go bush .. because that has been one of my escapes .. do you go walking .. study birds wildfowers? I just got back from Fitzroy.

[Jacques]

Karen their is no need the apologize, we are all worried because you mean a lot to all of us, you are special.

I hope to speak to you tonight, I have missed our little chats.

Hang in their my angel, these feelings will pass

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

Same here Karen.  It is not about worrying us. As friendship deepens you can let go of some of the formailty of manners.  The truth matter more than politeness. I dont mean to be nosey .. but I am trying to find different things to relate to with you, as you go through a truly difficult experience.

My experience is not the same as yours .. we are all unique.

[Former-Member]

Hi Karen, agree completely with @Jacques, @Appleblossom no need to apologise. I'm sure there is relief when we see a post from you at the moment, knowing how tricky this time is. Do stay connected. I'm curious with @Appleblossom about the plan to go bush.....

[Appleblossom]

You are really good at talking @Jacquesand others out of down times.  Learn to do that to yourself.

One of the ways I reduced my SI was to realise I didnt want a particular thing to be associated with my death in my children's minds.  So that put trees off the list.  I could not damage their experience of trees by my decision. So I talked myself out of a lot of options and so consequently am still here .. sorry I dont mean to bug you ..  I am taking you seriously, trying to be adult about the elephant in the room, but also trying to open your thinking. Just get you talking about anything really.

[hiddenite]

Hi appleblossom

Sorry I have trouble answering people's questions when so overwhelmed.

I get what you mean about trees I have never thought of it that way.

So frustrating I cannot remember your other questions I'm so sorry.

Karen

[hiddenite]

I have been in an abusive and violent relationship since I was 17. That's 24 years....

I have never been allowed to work and isolated on a rural property. That is how I ended up with pts , depression, General anxiety, social anxiety. And then there is the other stuff. Darkness.

So for me the world is a scary place full  of triggers and anxiety.

I don't belong anywhere. No hopes , dreams , just a leach on society.

I hope that answers some of your questions appleblossom

Karen

[Appleblossom]

It actually does not matter what the questions were.

I feel I have walked through some similar feelings as you but of course nobody is ever exeactly same. I m just trying to draw you out to tell us something more about yourself, So you dont get stuck in a worry or blame and shame loop. Only if you want to.

It took me a very long time to reduce my overwhelm.  It is still rare for me to be totally clear headed but things are a lot better.  I do want you to know that they can improve. I cannot see how 2 girls doing well at school can be all that bad .. any little traits due to the family dynamics may become a strength .. they are still so young. They may surprise you as they grow in their own special ways.