Despair

[hiddenite]

Hi thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts.

I'm so sorry that you have put a warning on this I never meant to distress anyone. I was trying so hard to be careful in what I put.

I did go online to suicide callback be just ended up feeling a lot worse, didn't think that was possible.

Another day to get through, I just wanted to apologize if I upset anyone I'm really sorry.

Take care

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite

No need to apologise. No one said it was triggering, I just did it was a precaution.

I'm sorry to hear that suicide call back service made you feel worse. Please remember that there are many different counsellors working there (& lifeline etc) so your experience next time may be different. I hope it doesn't stop you from contacting them in the future.

I hope you feel less alone seeing the wonderful support offered by @Alessandra1992 , @Uggbootdiva & @peace

Nik

[NikNik]

Oh also - I can't believe I didn't think of this last night. You can avoid seeing the male picture if you access the forums from here through one of our partner sites.

Hopefully that works

[hiddenite]

Hi

Thanks for the suggestion I really thought I wasn't going to be able to use the site as the pictures are extremely triggering.

Sorry I haven't responded to people individually but finding it very difficult to think, concentrate, and find the words. But I am very grateful.

I really didn't think there was anyone who felt the same things as me. And I'm sorry others are suffering.

My darkness worries me so much I know I'm deteriorating and it is going to be something really small that tips the scales again.

I just don't see any other options.

If I go to the Mental health unit they have already told me they are unable to help.

Can't find a professional,

I am so overwhelmed, I don't see a solution when the system fails and I am so unwell I cannot help myself.

Another long night ahead.....so scared as the symptoms get worse I see it but unable to stop what is happening to me.

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite

I have emailed you some additional support information.

We are here for you tonight, but if things are getting worse for you, it's really important to continue to reach out for help.

I know you mentioned that you had a negative experience at the MHU, but going to the emergency department or calling 000 will keep you safe.

Lifeline Online Crisis Chat may be helpful https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat

The forums can be used as a distraction if you would find that helpful. The topic of discussion doesn't have to focus on your mental health, if you're finding that triggering or unhelpful. Any topic is up for discussion, if you wish?

Nik

[hiddenite]

Hi Nic

Thanks for the concern, I am seeing my gp tomorrow, will need to say how bad things have become.

I'm scared of what he will do I promised myself I would never go back to the mhu.

It scares me too much to post on anyone else's conversation scared that I will say the wrong thing or upset someone.

At least being here is a healthy distraction.....

I do have the numbers, mental health team, cat team, suicide line, lifeline and 1800 respect.

Got to feel like I deserved to be helped

Thanks for caring

[hiddenite]

I was wondering it sounds like peace, and rick have been where I am. Is it possible to find my way out of the darkness without any support. Can I do this alone.....

I would be interested in their opinion.... How do people get through another day.

[NikNik]

You hit the neail on the head - You have to feel like you deserve to be helped.

We are a pretty easy going group, so it's hard to upset us. We know everyone has good intent 🙂

Here are some 'off topic' threads (just some suggestions)

Wordsnake: A random simple forum game

Helpful quotes: A place to post any inspiring or helpful quotes you come across

Gratitude posts: A thread for people to post the little things they are grateful for

Talking about pets: Not sure if you have a pet or fond of animals?

Music: A discussion about the music we love

Getting to know each other: a place to share random facts about yourself & read about other members

Hobbies & interests: Another thread to share what you're in to

 *just edited these links so it's not the page with the man at the top

Hope this helps as a starting point 🙂

Nik

[kristin]

Hi @hiddenite 

I am so glad you are reaching out here. Sorry I have not been able to be as supportive as I'd like - things have been pretty pear shaped at my place lately (I won't risk triggering you with the details). I have been in some pretty dark places too, but not recently - I think I finally got a good understanding of what sets my suicidality off about 3 years ago, and since then it hasn't really reared its head. 

I'm sure if @peace or @Rick have any thoughts, experiences or ideas they can offer to help you they will post when they can, also @kato has struggled with suicidality on a daily basis for a long time - he might have some ideas for you.

Here's a link to some poems I wrote which I hope might help give you a stronger sense that you aren't alone - we 're all on this journey, the reality is sometimes it is pitch black. I also have one about surviving the intense feeling of thinking we are better gone - it is not true by the way - but I don't think I've posted it (what do you think @NikNik shall I email it to you for ok-ing?)

I wish I could offer you more at this time, but I want you to know that we are all behind you - we want you to hang in there so you can find helpful help. It can be a hell of a journey, but don't give up. You are a strong courageous survivor to get this far, even though I suspect you feel like anything but.

In the meatime, in spite of the darkness, hope endures...

Please keep talking to us - we do care!

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[hiddenite]

Hi Kristin

I really wouldn't worry about triggering me just living is enough. Anything you want to share with me I'm happy to listen to.

Just spent the past hour online to lifeline, let's just say you can always feel worse even when you don't think its possible.

Another long night to look forward to, not......

I didn't realize others struggled with these thoughts daily too, this is such a awful existence.

Hope things improve for you.

Take care