Dark thoughts scaring me.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Tigga321 @Starta ..... 👋

How are you getting on ?

[Tigga321]

@Faith-and-Hope,

hello,  Not really good, Struggling so much with these memories, I can't get over them. Why did I go through all that, then survive it, what for, to be in a dark painful place for the rest of my life, I'm trying so hard not to give in to my thoughts, but I just don't want to feel like this anymore, 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I understand @Tigga321.  

It’s an awful place to be, but I hope you can gradually come to terms with the fact that it’s not your fault.   Emotional abuse is a mind-trap .... and when we are caught in it we usually can’t see that we are .... and end up giving our personal choices and ability to be independent away to our abusers, without being aware that this is happening to us.

Then, as you are experiencing now, comes a follow-on trap, where we take on a huge burden of guilt for what we did or didn’t do while we were being emotionally sabotaged.

Please seek counselling to help release you from this.  If you speak to your doctor you are entitled to a series of free appointments under a mental health plan.

💐💕

[Tigga321]

@Faith-and-Hope 

Thank you,

i have had a few Pysch visits, the last one was so hard, it was the first time I disclosed my life with hubby, it's knocked me down so far. Been two weeks and it brought to much back to the front. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

What was brought to the front is what has been squashed down deep inside you @Tigga321 ..... the work of the therapists is to help you get these issues processed and “neutralised” .... get them to the point where they can’t hurt you any more and you can get rid of their affects in your life ..... to help you heal.

Its painful in the same sort of way as cleaning out a wound with antiseptic before stitching it up so it can heal properly.

That is a very simplistic way of looking at it of course ..... but please trust that you can get to a better place than where you are now.

You can ask your psych how you can get better by talking about what has hurt you, and see how they explain it to you.  That may help you feel more confident with them too.

[Tigga321]

This sadness is overwhelming me.. I want it to go away

[Ant7]

@Tigga321 I feel for you. I know what you’re talking about

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Tigga321 ....

I’m glad you’re calling it when sadness has closed in on you.

Are you reading around any of the other threads ?  You can have a look without commenting on them if you want.  

Hearing others talk about their lives, and what other people say to them may help you not feel so alone in this sadness.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Ant7 .... 

[Ant7]

@Faith-and-Hope hi how are you tonight