Dark thoughts scaring me.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Me too @Tigga321 ....

It’s goung to be a hot one here today.

Hi @Starta ..... lovely to see you here 👋

@Tigga321, I hope you are feeling up to saying hello .....

💐💕

[Tigga321]

@Starta @Faith-and-Hope,

Hello Starta,

Im so sorry about the loss of your husband, he sounds like he was a very nice man.

My husband was cruel, mean, he used me for his own personal servant, I try so hard to forget how I lived for so long but it always tormenting me. I'm just not able to live a peaceful life, to much self hate, sadness, to many.why didn't I, I should of, I hate myself so much, I'm discussed in myself so much, it's making me not want to live anymore, but if I did end my life, that mean he won, I don't want him to win, but the again sometimes I just don't care.

[Starta]

Hello

[Starta]

Hello Grandy.
Sorry about the above reply I touched post by mistake. Honey you were the victim. Never believe you were at fault. You are a beautiful person who was used. Don't ever hate yourself or feel disgusted in yourself. What happened to you was you hubby being selfish only thinking of himself.
You on the other hand must have an amazingly kind heart to stay with him to protect your young children.
I admire your strength in doing that. because that takes courage..
I read you are getting counciling. Are you being totally honest with your councilor. You have to be so they can help you honey.
Try to distract your mind when you are remembering try to do some mindfullnes that's like doing something and you completely absorb what your doing. Feel. See. Smell. Hear what your doing when you do it.
Take care for now. I've got the crying coming back again. Care for you honey

[Tigga321]

Hello @Starta,

You are so kind to speak those words about me but you are so wrong!!! I am not beautiful, nor courageous,  My soul has been destroyed I am nothing but an empty shell, I do nothing all day..I don't care,I just....Oh please just forget about me, I am, I am angry at me with me I haven't been outside my door since early December, I haven't shopped, I don't care at all. I am so damaged so scarred just over me. Just forgot you ever read my thread please, I am not going to burden any of you any more. This is my problem and I should be able to suck it in and manage it some how,

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Tigga321 ...... you have touched our lives now, so whether you are here or not you will be on our hearts and minds ...... this is a place where that happens ...... so you might as well stay. You are no burden to us here at all, and there are many here with broken hearts.

I will tag you from the community garden. While you are not going out, take a look in ....., you don’t have to comment, just browse threads like that when you want to fill another hour.

You are so right ...... causing yourself any more harm just keeps his abuse over you ...... you survived him and you have spoken out now against what he has done. This gives courage to other survivors to step out and find their voice too ......

Cyber hugs incoming ...... 🌷💕

[Starta]

@Tigga321 .

Hello Grandy, I'm sorry I had to leave in a hurry last time, you see I'm all messed inside myself, I am alone now and feel like I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to feel like this, but I came back in here because I care about you.. I'm here and I just read you are not coming back in to your thread, how dissapointed that makes me feel. I though we could be friends. 

I can understand what you have been and are going through, We can talk it out anytime you want to. I'm not going anywhere,

please remember you are cared for by me and the other wonderful people here. 

I will just sit and wait for you to come back if that's okay. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

💐💕 @Tigga321 ......

[Tigga321]

@Starta @Faith-and-Hope,

im sorry about my outburst, it's just that  I hate me for what I let happen to me. 

I hate remembering all the time, my psych visit tomorrow, and I'm scared because Sh wants me to tell her about what I went through, talk about what happened to me, what he done and made me do. I haven't done this as yet as I have refused, but this time she said it's a must do, and I don't know how to speak about it without breaking down,  I don't want to breakdown in front of anyone, especially my psych.

i really am sorry.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Tigga321 can you write it down and ask her to read it while you are there ? Tell her it is too hard to tell her and this is the best you can do for now ?