Couldn’t think of a decent title, sorry.

[florencefifty]

My work Christmas party is tomorrow.

Yes, they scheduled it on a Wednesday.

I want to go. The difficulty is explaining to my family that I want to go. 

There is the possibility of going there and not drinking. But let’s be honest, there’s no way of proving that I wasn’t drinking, so I might as well.

I have had a lot of trouble with alcohol, in the past.

I had a massive mental health crisis in April/May. I went WAYYY out of control with the alcohol. I went missing, and my family flew all the way to a different city to find me.

I was heavily drinking regularly. The first time I ever had more than two drinks? My work Christmas party, just five months earlier.

When I think about drinking, I think about my nieces and nephew. “My kids”. Even though they’re not really mine, I’ve been more involved in their lives than probably a lot of uncles are.

It was a crisis, it happens, but I did kind of abandon them by drinking and thereby going missing.

When my sister found me, she said “the night you went missing, your nephew was waiting for you. He was going to sleep over.”

I’d like to think I made it up to him, but it sucks. They’re a big marker for me to ask the question “is drinking or even putting myself in that position worth it?”

You have to live life and enjoy your adult self, and not think about your kids as bad as that sounds, but yeah.

To be perfectly honest, I’ll probably ask my colleagues whether I should go. They will say yes and I’ll probably end up going too, but not sure.

[balance37]

@florencefifty It sounds like your addict mind would like to make an excuse to go to the Christmas Party to drink, and that your wise mind knows it may not be the best thing for you at the moment. I guess it depends what is most important to you at the moment. Are you working towards sobriety or harm reduction at the moment or a healthier lifestyle? If not, then the answer is a lot easier. No judgement here, I'm in recovery from heavy alcohol use myself (use to be approx. 100 drinks per week).

I think what you have said - “is drinking or even putting myself in that position worth it?” - is a great starting point!

[Appleblossom]

Hey @florencefifty Back in the day when most peep smoked on the bus and at work and in the family home, I made a habit of learning NOT to drink in social situations.  It gave me the best outlook on things and a strength or a skill or a boring old habit that helped me work through all AOD issues.  Sometimes ya gotta grab the beast by the horns, sometimes its not a wise move, and we better run for cover.  Overthinking things can also be a problem.  Gently Bently with yourself.