Contamination thoughts

[creative_writer]

Reaching out to Lifeline was okay, but doesn't feel sufficient

[Ru-bee]

Good on you for reaching out to them @creative_writer it's definitely a good step, maybe there are more we need to take today and that's okay

What support do you feel would be best for you right now? 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I don't Lifeline is equipped to help me to be honest, not their fault. Lifeline has volunteers who may not be equipped in complex trauma and OCD symptoms. I probably would be better off calling SANE, it's sometimes hard to call up. I think there is often a link between contamination thoughts and trauma. Since these contamination thoughts feel uncomfortable and uncontrollable my mind is seeking that control. Cleaning things isn't doing the trick. Shopping helps for so long until it doesn't and I'll be out of money if I keep doing it. It leaves SH, but I know if I start again, it'll be hard to stop. There no permanent fix

[Ru-bee]

@creative_writer Yeah, like a lot of mental health challenges there's no "fix" just management, though it can get easier it might not ever be gone. 

I hear you about LifeLine, do you think calling SANE is something you could do next? I hear it can be hard getting past the waiting music, but you've already taken some great steps today in reaching out here and calling Lifeline, do you think you could take another and call SANE? 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I got distracted with future stuff like going my resume. I’m graduating at the end of this year. Being future focused sometimes helps, I get stuck in the narrative of being a trauma survivor, it erodes at the core of me. It’s a pretty common thing for trauma survivors. I’ve done some online training on narrative therapy and they talk about people get stuck on the “single story”. I feel like my brain gets stuck on it all the time, it’s hard. I guess all we can do is keep trying. I think deep down inside I crave to love and support, but it’s often hard to feel like I’m worthy of it. Because if my parents brushed in under the rug, what’s the chance other people won’t. I dont know how much of this is experiencing the trauma and how much of it is down to the lack of support and validation I got afterwards 😔

[creative_writer]

What is this “sinking feeling”? Agitation is not great 😫

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

I'm sorry to hear your agitation is not great. 

What support do you think the community can provide you at this time?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I need my brain to slow down. I guess maybe a PRN? The SH and SI are getting louder. I’m safe

[tyme]

Were you able to phone SANE today? @creative_writer 

Sitting with you.

[creative_writer]

@tyme my day has disjointed and chaotic. Haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’ve been jumping from one thing to another. Maybe it’s an avoidance mechanism? I keep wanting to avoid facing my emotions. Even though I’m doing other stuff, I’m getting self-destructive thoughts here and there. It’s weird, in a way I’m acting giddy with my family but feeling like I’m sinking. Emotions make no sense