Childhood sexual assault flashbacks and left wondering what to do

[Daisy15]

Im just wondering if anyone can give me their opinions on what to do about if or not if the perpetrator of my childhood sexual assault should be reported . Its such a hard time for me as im left feeling mixed emotions about what is the right thing to do.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Daisy15 

welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to read you’ve been sexually abused. 

I was sexually abused as a child from 9-12 yrs old. I remembered 40 yrs later. It was family and friends. From my own personal experience I did speak to the police and they gave me a complete run down on how the process would be. 

For me I couldn’t go through it. 

It’s really up to you. No one can tell you to report it or not. 

Pls take care. Happy to chat again   Just put @ symbol before my name to tag me. 

[Daisy15]

Thanks for the reply @BlueBay . Thats pretty much where im almost up to in my journey is to chat about the process of reporting. Im not sure i could handle the court side of things etc either because im worried the impact it will have on my mental health and the stress it could put on my family. Its a very big decision. I have been supported by services and some family so far wich has been very helpful and it has made things so far a bit easier...i still have bad dreams and sometimes the negative memories make me feel so exhausted and it can be hard to function day to day with even small tasks. Some days are better than others and im doing my best to stay positive. I often wondered why most of my life i have battled with numerous addictions and had many stays at mental health hospitals and i cant believe it took 30 odd years to remember what happened to me. It can at times seem very sureal.

[Daisy15]

Sorry to hear @BlueBay that you too were a victim of sexual assault. Its something that just shouldnt happen to anyone.

[BlueBay]

Hey @Daisy15 

i totally understand what you’re going through. I had years of flashbacks and nightmares. I sometimes do but not very often. It’s been 9 years of when the memories came back. I was in my 40’s. 

It’s amazing how our brains work. How our subconscious mind is. 

My psych gave me meds for flashbacks. 

Do yiu have professional support. 

[Daisy15]

Hi @BlueBay . Thats not so good for you either but if the meds are helping thats ok. In response to if i have professional support yes i do and its great. Ive been seeing sexual assault counselors for about 3 or 4 years now and i have a psychiatrist and mental health case worker too. All are very good at supporting me about this. Im on meds for schizoaffective dissorder and i find that my schizoaffective disorder is at its most controlled point in my life because i think finally my meds are just right. I couldnt possibly live without them. And yes...i too found it totally bizarre how the subconscious mind works...i guess its all part of the plan to keep our bodies coping and dealing with things when able...i dont know much about psychology but it does interest me at times.

[Daisy15]

Hi @BlueBay . Just wondering if at times you have struggled with needing excessive sleep because of childhood sexual assault flashbacks or dealing with things related to it. Its felt like the past week and a half ive been in bed most days and nights. Im constantly exhausted from doing nothing.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Daisy15  sleep is sometimes a problem. I wirk 3 days a week only short shifts. 

When I’ve been admitted to hospital I do sleep a lot. 

I get extremely exhausted when I have a psychologist session going over childhood abuse. It’s very draining.  

Do you have any hobbies that could possibly distract you during the day. 

[Daisy15]

Hi @BlueBay  . I have lost interest in most of my hobbies over the years. I used to be into art and music...have done a little bit of art a couple of months ago . Will try pick up a paint brush again soon. Thanks for the tip.

[BlueBay]

@Daisy15  Motivation for me is really hard at the moment. I struggle to get up and go. Wirk days are ok but my days off and weekends are hard. 

I have so many unfinished things eg knitting. I need to get back into it. 

Art sounds good. You should go back to it. You’ll prob surprise yourself with how much you do enjoy it. Even start slow and do a little each day. 

I hope you can do some. Xx