overwhelmed

[zobow222]

hi, this is my first post on here.

i feel like i’ve broken down a bit today. i was supposed to meet with my partners mum to attend an event and once i had arrived, i had a bad panic attack. i think it was triggered by social anxiety and a really bad body image day. 

i couldn’t shake off the panic and the things i typically do to self soothe didn’t work. i had to leave and i feel terrible about.

i feel bad that my partner had to support me through the panic attack. i find myself to be super independent, and needing someone made me feel like such a burden.

i see a psychologist, who i have recently started seeing. our sessions are focusing on schema therapy, looking at patterns from my past, and it’s challenging work. on top of this therapy, my psych has recommended i seek additional therapy for ocd, which we have just agreed is at a ‘severe’ level. 

i feel like there’s way too much going on. body image, ocd, schema therapy, some communication issues with my bf, univeristy work, my job, having no other friends but worsening social anxiety… it’s so exhausting. 

it’s overwhelming to feel like i need to prioritise issues that are all stacking on top of one another. it feels like jenga, if i pull one piece out, the whole tower will fall. 

i know this feeling will pass, but when it does, a part of my head tells me that im just ignoring how hard things are right now, and that it’s going to come back and bite me again.

[MJG017]

Hi @zobow222, welcome to the forum.  I'm sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed at the moment and it sounds like you have so much going on right now.  One thing I've learned myself this year is needing support isn't a weakness or makes you a burden.  It's a strength to be able to trust someone enough to allow someone to support you.  I try to think of it as if the roles were reversed, would I see the other person as weak or a burden, or would I do everything I could to support them. 

It also sounds like you're working on quite a lot of things with your psychologist right now.  It must be very challenging to start to work on these issues and discuss them so it's probably natural that you will feel the toll all of this will have on you, especially in the beginning of this process.  But you do seem to be doing the right things so hopefully with the help of you psychologist and the support of those around you, you can start to feel more on top of things.  Just keep in mind that there are no quick and easy fixes and it will take time.  So try not to look too far ahead and at trying to fix everything all at once.  Just concentrate on what ever issue you feel needs your attention at the time.  Dont try to do too much at once, because anyone would feel overwhelmed.  Be patient and take everything at a pace that you feel able to handle.  And remember that you are working on quite a few different issues so it's normal to feel like everything may just fall apart, but keep using that strength you've already shown, take small steps and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

I think if you were ignoring how hard things were for you right now, you wouldn't be working so hard on them, and seeking support, even reaching out here and sharing your story takes a lot of courage and strength.  Look for the small wins and take confidence from them and know that they do add up over time.  And know that we're here to listen and support you however you need us to.  You don't need to feel so alone in these struggles.