im back..... i think

[outlander]

I already SH .i broke my record of 2 months without it
Last night was a whirlpool of making plans of S then thoughts coming in of how selfish it would be to do myself in which brought me back to the plans and how it confirmed the way i feel about myself and my intentions and around and around it went

@Anony18 i never take your response as abandonnment


Im not beautiful and my scars eat at me everyday yet im stupid enough to make more. I am ugly and even if i try to change the outside the inside remains the same.

If i leave i feel selfish as the people on this thread which includes u 2 are important to me and i like to support you.
Sometimes when i see some certain people comment or a few people comment i feel very obliged to say nothing and step back as some people make me feel very very uncomfortable and make me think of the things ive done wrong and i dont think i can fix them and the thoughts surrounding it arent pleasant
I also know some people get extremely overwhelmed with to many people so if there's a few i step back until im tagged

@Anony18 @Former-Member

[outlander]

Im also mourning the loss of my nan
How id love to join her
I miss her so much

[Anony18]

Oh @outlander trust me you are. You are a beautiful person who is just going through an extremely rough time. I know this because of the times you been there for not only me but everyone else on this forum. 

Do take a step back if things are making you uncomfortable or you just not up to it. It is overwhelming alright with the many responses. I get that too but as you already said just take step back. Read it from "afar" but don't feel obligated to respond. As for leaving, though be sad to see you go if you think leaving is the right choice for your mentality, you have to. Like I told my Now friend - unfortunately you have to be selfish to do what is right for your healing. And as a friend because I care (and am sure others here) I respect that. Do hope what am saying doesn't make you feel worse because it isn't my intention. I just want you to know I care for you a lot.

[Pepsimax]

@outlander morning I feel like that sometimes too want everything to stop too

[Anony18]

@outlander How long ago did you lose her? It is always hard to lose someone you love, someone who been there for you. But mourning is natural and am sorry that you have lost her x

[outlander]

Oh @Anony18

Im scared and feel alone and these plans in my head are still there and sh seems like a good option to me
I hate feeling like im doing worse for people on here but as u said its because i do care
I need to stay away from anything sharp today

[outlander]

A year ago @Anony18 this is the first year without her at events

[outlander]

I want it all to stop @Pepsimax

Including the S plans un my head

[Pepsimax]

@Anony18 @outlander I had to take a break just for a little while but I read the posts mostly so if you need to take a break just do it

[Pepsimax]

@Anony18 @outlander I miss people in my life that have died think about them a lot of the time so hard sometimes I wish they were still around overwhelming sad