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[StanD]

Thanks for the beautiful support @Appleblossom I don't know what to say. 

I don't want to drink anymore. I feel clear. Not for now at least. It was fun, an escape - but it's not reality. I think I needed the encouragement alcohol brings to release a raw side of me. I needed a place I could go & not feel the daily anxiety. I guess it gave me insight too, on how we can become reliant on ... . How I have fallen so many times before. How I have been able to be taken advantage of. 

I feel sad & mixed up about lots of things.

I am extraordinarily psed off at the moment. 

It's the worst. Nowhere to direct this negativity.

I'm thankful I have appt to go to shortly. 

Otherwise, I would not be coping. 

I could go on. 

It's not fair, for me to do that. Getting out will do me good. And then ... who knows..? 

I did ask a bit of you. Thankyou. And I enjoyed reading about your life.

[Appleblossom]

Hope appointment and walk is worth it @StanD 

I am a bit sparklarkily atm too tbh.  At least I know when it is my essential life force and when it is anger and what the exact triggers are.  Clarity.  That is the advantage I finally have living alone for 20 years with my son coming and going as he needs.

Have a social issue with medical practitioners over reach ... to deal with tmrw night ... tricky, but dealing with medico types of a broad range, socially, a lot in last 10 years.  Processing it a bit yesterday with counsellor and today with Support co-ordinator.  

With all the emphasis on the "EXPERT" these days ... they seem to forget that ALL the so called experts are also just hooman beans.

Wish me luck in the diplomatic and authenticity stakes.

[StanD]

Back home(ish) @Appleblossom sooper gloomy, tho the angst has lifted. Going to try & nasp. I'm depleted. 

Authenticity & Diplomacy - the second one is challenge...maybe??

Good luck. You've got this, Apple.

I reckon you are the soughta person that is of great value to our society. Pleasure.

[Appleblossom]

@StanD Thanks

Not sure diplomacy is that much of a challenge .. it is the 2 together, when she has got the wrong idea about me, and at close quarters when there are subtle power games.  She told me stuff about me that was untrue ... she is an optometrist commenting on my eye sight without gathering data ... and other stuff ... medical over reach ... and that triggers me big time....

[StanD]

Oh dear @Appleblossom I don't like the sounds of that. Find a new optometrist! How did it go today?

Totally different - now for

A while back I was having convo online about transcendence, consciousness etc. The person claimed supernatural experiences - I hadn't had them, tho they sounded plausible. Things like - ' meditating & being aware of different realities. One where they were dropped from a tall building. They said it was terrifying, & they didn't like it, but were lessons etc. Anyway, I thought it was interesting.

My point is. I don't remember who I am - today.

We also discussed some type of information downloading, where the brain gets 're-wired'. I responded, I believed I had experienced this before & that I could physically feel sensations in my brain when this was happening, & I would experience a headache for few days

I think then, the person explained that, different consciousness, or spirits, can come in & take over, when the previous consciousness can't cope anymore. 

The last 2 days I had a headache - I thought it was from crying & alcohol. It was a different headache then I'd ever had b4. It was gone yesterday, but today, upon waking it was there again - & then went away soon after getting out of bed. The pain wasn't like my usual migraine - it felt more sharp & was in my whole head, not one side.

Now, I'm in total daze. I can't remember people. I can't remember me.

Could all be nonsense. I know mainstream doesn't approve of this fanciful type thinking. 

1 percent of ocean has been explored. 

I feel odd. Not me. I'm me - without the usual inner commentary, reminding me.

@SmilingGecko @TAB & anyone else. I thought it might be interesting to share. 

Consciousness. @Historylover 

I am safe. Ok

[TAB]

..sleep is underrated re consciousness @StanD  lol

[StanD]

I'm so tired @TAB 

[StanD]

Finally finished my art drawing. Took couple of weeks. It's all moons suns rainbows roots vines galaxy & God. You know, the usual psychedelic masterpieces. I can't look at it. I can't stop looking at. It's too bright & makes no sense. It's the best I've ever done. When you stare at it for so long & you can't see. I don't know if I like it. I'm too weird at the moment.

Started writing this morning. My best I've ever written.

Now I'm ready to crash. And wide awake. 

Rest.

Thankyou @TAB 

[Appleblossom]

@StanD 

My time with the lady and the group turned out all right.

I stood some ground gently and later drinking tea after our playing, we shared from a different angle and somehow the four us gelled better.  I can let it go ... 

I have had people from almost every belief try to persuade me to their version ... of the spiritual way ... new age ... religion... psychology ... science ... the works. I dont argue with them, but give respect and try and make meaning of my experiences.  

I been psychedelic at one time, a long time ago, but not in art, seem to be conservative in art ...idk lol  I am a hopeless drawer. 

Creativity is important, whatever your style is.  

Rest is important too. Hope you get some deep refreshing sleep. @TAB said somewhere else he had a good sleep.  It matters, but does not always happen when we want.  Hope you get some.

[TAB]

https://youtu.be/4OzWg3C-Glg

@StanD @Appleblossom 

https://youtu.be/YWjRgzFeE_8