Secret Party Planning...

[Zoe7]

Sorry for disappearing so suddenly @CheerBear - as you can probably imagine - those lovely memories are also mixed up with a lot of not so nice ones and it is difficult to think of one without 'feeling' the others. I finally fell asleep but the crying has not helped my headache. If I am not here much don't worry - Tuesday is what I am aiming for - and we can work it out as we go - if that is ok with you as I don't know how productive I will be for a while.

[CheerBear]

Totally ok to disappear @Zoe7 and I can definitely understand lovely memories mixed with not-so-lovely ones. I have huge difficulty with feeling both myself (particularly during tricky times like December).

I'd love to tell you another time what our trip down memory lane together this morning has inspired me to do. It's pretty heart fuzzy feeling.

We can work this out as we go for sure, and I can be led by you if that's what you'd like. I can also help organise something for you if you'd prefer so you don't have to be productive. I have a couple of ideas ☺

❤

[Zoe7]

December is pretty hard for me too @CheerBear.It used to be such a great month until before I lost my nan and had some 'less than happy memories' around my birthday. Christmas used to be such a joyous day for me with my grandparents but losing my nan so close to my birthday and christmas certainly stopped that. I really tried the first year to make it special for everyone but then my pop passed away the next year so christmas has never been the same.  My last great memory of my nan is picking her up from hospital for the day on my birthday and having one last 'special' day with her before she passed away a few days later  We were extremely close - I not only lost my nan that day but my best friend and the only person I have ever really trusted as well 

Please tell me what our trip down memory lane has inspired you to do - I could really do with something to warm my heart CB 

[CheerBear]

Oh @Zoe7 🙁 That's so hard and I'm so sorry to hear that is what this time means for you. I can imagine it would bring up all kinds of feelings.

So my thing you've inspired, happened because I was taking that trip down memory lane, remembering that house and being little at this time of the year. I put on my mission bear hat and now have all of our family photo albums (it's something I've never been allowed to have and I got really brave and kind of insisted that it was important this year) and have decided that I'm going to try to put together all of the Christmas photos of us growing up on a slide show thingy (no idea how/what yet) to show a couple of people who I think will really appreciate seeing it as they wouldn't have for a long time. I wish I could say how I am going to give it but can't, but I have that fuzzy feeling imagining it. It's going to be pretty special to pull out these albums this week at night when some littles are sleeping. You kicked that off this morning and the flow on will be felt in my little world by a few (I think).

Big hugs to you Zoe. I wish there was something that could make things easier.

[Zoe7]

awww @CheerBear that sounds like such a wonderful thing for you to be doing. I hope you don't mind but you have inspired me to try to put together a photo montage for my mum. I don't have photos I can do for dad as we weren't that close to his parents.

I don't know if you already know but it becomes even harder as my pop died exactly 4 months after my nan (to the day) and I found him and tried to revive him (as if this time of year could be any harder hey ) - there are a few other things that 'happened' around this time of year too but I can't talk about them - as if this month wasn't hard enough hey 

[CheerBear]

I love that idea @Zoe7. I've caught bits here and there of your story and it sounds so incredibly hard. I can't imagine what it would have been like for you to have done that with your Pop. Thank you for sharing that.

Though our stories are different we do share a little in a way and part of that is in this tricky/tough time. I love the idea that we'll both be visiting photo memories together like that.

[Zoe7]

My 'story' is very complicated CB and I certainly could not share most of it here - just like you  I haven't even shared some of it with anyone - not my gp, psychologist or pdoc - it is just too hard. I used to write a lot but haven't even written about some of it - that should pretty much sum up how very hard it is to 'come to terms with' myself. In a way - I don't believe most of it - so why would I even begin to imagine anyone else would @CheerBear 

There certainly are bits and pieces throughout the forum but they are only the things I can share - as hard as that has been. So I totally get there are just some things that we need to keep to ourselves - for whatever reason CB 

[CheerBear]

Hearing you with all of the above @Zoe7, and I feel my own version of it often. Seriously hard stuff.

I'm mowing and whipper snippering listening to a playlist of most played this year songs. Guess what just came on? Princess Poppy. I'm going to say it was the kids but it possibly wasn't just them 😆

[Zoe7]

I had an idea that you would get it @CheerBear and yes it is seriously hard 

I used to 'blame' the kids at school for some of the music we played - but just like you - it was probably influenced a lot by me lol I have only started listening to some music again more recently - before that it was too hard - but a certain F&H really got me back into it in a postiive way 

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear have to head off for a while CB. Hope you get your mowing and whipper snippering done