If you see this well done, you made it!

[Judymay]

hi @Gremlin24 I am sorry the world has been so unkind and you were met with that experience from a health professional. I feel sometimes that stings even more. Crazy how negative words really make it hard to see the good ones, they are soul crushing and I am sorry if your body feels overwhelmed for them. I don't even want offer words that probably just feel unrealistic however I know in a place of rejection and unkindness, I wrote this and even now rereading and ironically still alone. I realise the only kind voice I have is me, and I do hope I will wake one day and try to believe the words it want me to tell it. 

sorry you feel alone, I can't deny it, in a lot of ways you probably are I can only offer a space here for you to externalise your thought. 

https://www.a-place-to-be-seen.com/the-blog/2094410_alone

[Gremlin24]

@Judymay that was beautiful to read. Thankyou. I know it won't always be like this but that's only if i can keep pushing through. And that's the part that scares me the most, not knowing how much more i can take, how much more can I fight to simply keep breathing, to keep my heart beating. I wrote something a few years ago but I'm not sure how to share it here. 

[Glisten]

@Gremlin24 I’m evolving from an abusive relationship, I don’t trust my judgment and it is almost impossible for me to trust other people,

I find myself analysing very little word they did or didn’t say.

It’s not easy, to make this transition. My brain 🧠 needs a lot of rest. Nine hours sleep is wonderful.

This is a marathon @Gremlin24 

Feel your feels.

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten I've been through so many abusive relationships and each time it takes a little more away from you. I can't trust anyone let alone myself. 

It's definitely a marathon and sleep for me is so hard to come by, I'm lucky to get 1-3 hours a night. 

Here if you ever need a chat. Sending lots of love your way. Be kind to yourself. 

[Judymay]

thank you @Gremlin24 

i have recently wandered why people's notions of it will get better or it won't be forever always frustrated me and I realised I felt like it was an airy fairy comment not weighted in substance and potentially leading to false hope. I found myself questioning myself and my ability to have hope, however then i identified that even in my moments of defeat and despair, I feel big but have a nap and get on my phone and search for a quote or a book or my mind starts to think what can help and o realise that is my hope and my inner fight to pursue its own realistic hope and that is just as important to me. 

[Glisten]

Oh @Gremlin24 you did not deserve what happened to you.

Exercising Boundaries especially when you don’t want to, is the worse part.

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten but see that's the thing I've been told so much that I deserve everything that's happened and happening to me that I just believe it now. 

[Judymay]

I can relate to this and it is weighted heavily. I don't have the answers yet as I am still trying to pull off the words and judgements of others but starting to remove myself from them emotionally has been huge and listening to meditations about eliminating toxic energy and people and affirmations about my worth has been helping to fill my mind with words that Will hopefully help shift soon. It's hard to believe something that your past evidently shows different. That's not your fault and it's not fair. You do deserve to walk away from those words and not be defined by others self opinions.

[Glisten]

@Gremlin24 what predatorily people do. They aren’t normal.

@Gremlin24 it’s going to take us both a really long time.

Hey we could start a You didn’t Deserve what Happened to You thread?

But I don’t mind reminding you, that you didn’t deserve what happened to you.

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten when it's still currently happening to me, yes it's going to take a very long time if ever.