If you see this well done, you made it!

[Judymay]

Well we are here, release the pressure, let go of the day and remember it's just another day gone by haha well that's how I survived here with my everyday breakfasts to remind me nothing special here 😂

 

[Gremlin24]

@Judymay that's exactly how I tried to make it through. Just another day nothing special. I think i only just scraped through though not unscathed but I'm here i guess. 

[Glisten]

@Judymay @Gremlin24 a win is a win. Even if you only made it by 100/1 second. Still a WIN

 

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten maybe. I don't feel like it was a win though. 

[Glisten]

@Gremlin24 I’m going to go out on a limb here and say someone in your life, made you think that unless you won with a landslide, it wasn’t good enough?

That person needs a throat punch.

@Gremlin24 there were years, when day after day, I hated my existence. I hated my self. It felt like forever.

I blamed myself, and none of it was my fault.

You’re here with me now. You WON!

More hugs

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten it's not even anyone that makes me feel like that anymore, now it's it's myself. I hate myself so much and i hate everything about my life. Yes I'm here but I'm not living, I'm merely existing in a world where I'm not wanted or needed. 

[Glisten]

@Gremlin24 I want you here. I need you here. Because you my friend, are the only person, to say the same thing I said to my psychologist. “I’m existing, not living.”

You have put a smile on my face and made my heart happy.

The fact that you can differentiate between existing and living a quality life with meaningful relationships, means you’re already transitioning.

By being on this forum you are sharing your journey and seeking new ways, new skills, new ideas.

A butterfly 🦋 might be a larvae in a cocoon, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a right to exist.

@Gremlin24 we evolve and adapt, you have a right to exist!

Hugs

[Gremlin24]

@Glisten I'm so lost for words right now. Part of me wants to believe alot of what you have said but the rest of me can't accept that. The part that screams at me telling me that I'm not worthy of anyone's time or kindness, the part that day in day out tells me to just disappear, that noone would even notice that I was gone. I don't feel that I belong in this world, I'm not worthy of having friends, I'm not worthy of breathing the same air as others. I'm insignificant and invisible. I don't deserve to exist, I don't deserve to be shown compassion. I only deserve heartache, pain and suffering. Why can I not just accept someone's kind words, why does my mind constantly just freak out and shut everything down. 

[Judymay]

Hello @Gremlin24 

i am sorry because i understand this feeling and it is soul crushing when people are telling you to find your kindness and worth when the evidence of others for so long have told you the complete opposite.

I am a realistic and factual person so when my psychologist told me I am worth love and to be chosen, I still grapple with it cos for 35 years I've been met with actions and words that say the opposite. So how do we break the perspective of others and learn to find our identify and worth within ourselves? I'm actually sitting here trying to find a book on inner child healing because my mother made me cower this week and I realised it's not everyone it goes back to my parents so I am trying to dig into that and find the words that first hurt and have held for so long.

i am sorry this may be a similar experience and completely acknowledge your feeling of inadequacy when the world has only confirmed that. It is a journey and one that I have needed paid support for because I had no one in my world to help me. Whatever it is for you and I'm sorry and hope that you will get to a place when they no longer hold their words over you and you get to feel your value because you deserve that. 

[Gremlin24]

@Judymay isn't it amazing how much the words and actions of others can make such an impact on our lives. It's completely debilitating, I've lived my life being told constantly that I'm a mistake, that I shouldn't have been born, told to end myself cos noone should have to put up with me. I tried to get that much needed help from a psychologist only to be told that I am a lost cause and that i deserve all the hurt and abuse that I get and that again I was a mistake. I don't think it's possible to get to that place i don't think it exists in my world and that hurts like hell but it's just something that I have to accept.