I wish there was something people could do for me too, @SmilingGecko. I am exhausted from all of this trauma. I won't be able to take much more. Unfortunately, I just keep adapting to it as I always have, so I'm bearing more and more trauma as I adapt—the longer I go on, the more I have to contend with.
It is the betrayal of people I have gone through hell for that is not possible for me to accept. I have to try to keep it out of my mind or I'd be overwhelmed.
Unquestioning trust is the major danger in psychiatry (and medicine, in general), @SmilingGecko, and it's so easy to be lulled into a false sense of security, assuming we are in safe hands. There is no such thing as too much knowledge when we put our lives in the hands of others.
Had you been a regular walker prior to developing diabetes? You have got me back walking every day. I had stopped it for quite a while to allow my injured feet to mend, and I just hadn't been inspired to return to it, but the thought of developing diabetes again is something of an impetus.
I don't suffer from CFS, per se, but I suffer from fatigue which has been ongoing for 30+ years. My health imploded completely and left me at death's door for years after relinquishing my daughters and leaving behind everything I had worked for. I could not even support my body in an upright position. I was in my 30s. It was already on the way before the breakdown of my family (my ex was trying to break and control me. Here again, the only way I survived was to adapt. The more I took, the more was inflicted upon me. Then he left).
I had been very well for the past 20 years, until this most recent, crippling betrayal, but I cannot take anything emotional for long before I begin to fall into exhaustion.
Just doing my course has been enough to lay me low sometimes. It's emotional dealing with people, even online, in a university environment. I was expecting high education, but I find there's a lot of snobbery, and I feel vulnerable knowing that they can make or break us by their appraisals. Fair enough if it is justified, but it can be personal too. And that is inexcusable. We are not the enemy. I was expecting education nor criticism. One is instructional, the other is spirit breaking and serves no purpose.
Then there is the stress of trying to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible, make as few mistakes as possible, get assignments in on time, wait with bated breath for results, then get disappointed or elated. It's all emotional. Then there are all the other things I'm dealing with. So, there are many times when I am thoroughly exhausted by all of the emotion it stirs up. (Even happiness can exhaust me. Luckily, there's not a lot of that 😉). And then there's the stress of rubbing people the wrong way. I don't seem to be able to find the middle ground. Perhaps there simply is none.
We just have to keep on plodding, @SmilingGecko.
I have pumpkin soup on cooking, and just saved it boiling dry.😟
