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Hey @TAB and @Wanderer. I'm doing ok and looking forward to Xmas being over. lol
That old addage 'nurture vs nature' is always in play when it comes to blame. I spent many a day trying to find a cause, and when I did, I felt lost. All I had left was me. That's when the penny dropped. It was finally up to me to change, not want others to do it for me. I didn't like it one bit. The reality was sobering so triggers came strong and fast.
Since that time I focus on decisions; even if they're seemingly insignificant. I'm still learning how to detach myself from other people's choices and lives. Basically; it's me first in each situation.
Tonight mum put pressure on me to immediately do what she wanted instead of allowing me the time I asked for. So, she hung up saying to forget it!
Com si, com sa...her loss!
A year ago I would've dropped everything and gone to her aid, putting myself out. No more of that. This freedom's nice...even though it ruffles feathers. I know she still loves me no matter what. That was my inner child's fear all those yrs ago that kept me in chains.
Anyway, I digress. Soz peeps...
Just felt like writing. This time of night my head needs clearing.
Hope 
I feel the heavy as well. I never know how to feel at this time of year. I can spot insincerity and comercialization a mile away. Not having a close family I just don’t feel I can try again this year. My hubby has one brother but they are not close either. I love the idea of Xmas but I don’t think I have enjoyed it for decades upon decades. A glimmer of a lovely few years when my son was growing up but we were on our own for many years. It’s only one day. Then the madness of all the sales begin ALL OVER again. Our town is very prosperous and beautiful this year but taken over with tourists for the next few weeks. Keeping away is the best option for us. I hope the heavy lifts for us both maybe tomorrow or the next day.
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