Christian Chat

[Dimity]

@Bessie78 I wasn't sure what to say about my story/experiences but thankyou for asking. Please excuse me if it's long and dark.

All my grandparents were strong believers and active in their respective churches and a close relative was in a religious order. I've believed myself destined for hell since the age of 4. At one stage I attended a Catholic school but my mother forbade me to follow Catholic practices while there other than taking first communion . Our large family attended weekly mass until my early teens, when after misunderstandings with my RI teacher I lost my way. I now see my upbringing as abusive and neglectful in a number of ways and my family as dysfunctional. 2 of my sisters have had c-ptsd diagnoses. I believe I have c-ptsd too but have only just arrived at this understanding.  I've been trying EMDR for some of my experiences.  I've had a series of diagnoses over the years and have been on a maintenance dose of antipsychotics for many years. I've tried many antidepressants. I've been seeking religion for many years but was turned away by local churches. JW doorknockers persevered and continued to call for a while. I'm attracted to contemplative and celebratory worship and follow a pastor who tends his flock's psychological wellbeing and whose theology could perhaps be described as a realised eschatology - it's open to us to live with Christ in God's Kingdom in the here and now. Personally I'm reclusive but would love to find community. Perhaps I'll find (and accept?) forgiveness and healing one day.

My apologies @ENKELI @Jenn4 @tyme @Shaz51 if this story has been inappropriate. Perhaps I've been in a very long dark night of the soul. 

[Bessie78]

@Dimity 

Thank you for sharing so honestly about your journey with the church. 

I recognise that with the opportunity for healing relationships, there is also the risk of more pain.

[ENKELI]

@Dimity thank you for sharing and no apology necessary. We all have experiences that shape us and our faith.

My once strong faith has been shattered by the actions of another who I trusted and gave up 8 years of my life for. God used me to bring her and her children back to Him and in turn I felt like my faith was destroyed by her actions. 
I am also a loner, not necessarily by choice, more because I don't feel I'm worth enough to have other people befriend me. 

Most days I am clinging desperately to a tiny seed of faith that is still within me.
You have already been forgiven - the cross saw to that. There is nothing you have to do other than accept that Jesus gave His life for you. That is what keeps me waking up most mornings.

Again, thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry that you have had such a bad experience with religion. I have never been a fan of the Catholic church, my dad's side of my family are all Catholic and apart from my grandmother I never saw how their religion helped them.

God bless, feel free to drop by and chat any time 😍🙏

[tyme]

Hugs @ENKELI .

Hope you are okay.

[Dimity]

Thankyou @ENKELI . That means a lot

I don't feel overall I've had a bad experience of/with religion - I have a kernel of faith - but the path hasn't been straightforward. 

I'm so sorry you lost a friend and nearly lost your faith.  

I bear no grudges, the Catholic Church was very good to some of my family, and I'm more familiar with it than other denominations. 

Overall this has been a good day for me, the best for a while. So I looked for a verse to sum it up.

Psalms 118:24

24 This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

[tyme]

Beautiful verse @Dimity . Thanks so much for sharing.

@ENKELI , I'm hearing you. It certainly sounds like a difficult path but as much as you could have lost your faith, you continue to hold on.

Hugs.

[ENKELI]

@tyme @Dimity @Bessie78 @Sione @Shaz51 

Today's verse 

 

[Captain24]

That’s beautiful @Dimity 

There is actually a hymn stemming from that verse. It’s in my playlist. 

[Dimity]

Thanks @ENKELI I really needed that verse

[Bessie78]

@ENKELI @Dimity @tyme @Sione @Shaz51 

So pleased to see we are holding hope in God being good. Even when we have been disappointed in the church and by people who speak of Gods love but aren't able to reflect His compassion. 

I know I don't like To engage in close relationships with anyone any more. 

Hurting people hurt people. 

It's often safer to remain alone.

Remove further opportunities for harm.