Christian Chat

[Appleblossom]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful response @heartathome You do seem more social than I.  My son and I were introverts and only lately are more social, and npw we accept the term ambivert.  The longing for connection has always run deep within me, I just have not often found people that I resonate with, though i keep open and keep looking.  Somehow I need responses to the particulars I share (which you do) rather than things being too generic.  

You have shared about your cult experience. I could not personally offer sharings but I found it sad and interesting the way you described your experiences.  As I grew up I heard very dismissive comments about cults.  I had a brief experience with the Moonies trying to convert me as a teenager, and then more recently a Jehovahs Witness lady was visiting a lot.  I liked our conversations, but she has stopped, as I think she realised I was not ready to join JW.  The church I am in now is very liberal and progressive, but that also has its limitations.  I do have a sense of acceptance that earthly gatherings of humans will be imperfect, but try and keep a quiet longing awake inside for God.

@MissGremlin @Realness

 @DownMoreThanUp yes I often have feelings all over the place.  I can move from joy to despair to grief to gratitude or serenity.  One psychiatrist suggested I had Bipolar Mixed state, just for something to call it to permit onoing reason for having sessions.

Another psychiatrist kept suggesting I stop having sessions while I was really vulnerable and had heaps to sort through.  I have often managed with minimal support.  For the last 6 months I have had weekly sesisons. I really seem to need it, however I am a bit skeptical about many psychiatric postions regarding both diagnosis and medications.  I have been on meds for decades, mostly at low levels.  They were higher doses for about 3-4 years around the time I joined the forum.

[DownMoreThanUp]

@heartathome Yes my wife is one out of 8 billion😁

i added the poem. See if you like it better or not.

[ENKELI]

@Appleblossom please continue to be as sociable as possible my sweet. From experience I am now very lonely and spend most of my days alone because I isolated so much over the past few years. I am beginning to have days where I want to go out, in fact I made myself go to a girls lunch with my cousins, mum and aunt and I really enjoyed myself. My best friend always encourages me to go out with her and I need to start saying yes!

Much love and prayers my darling xoxo

[ENKELI]

@heartathome I have a typical messed up family and some of the members are doing things to hurt me and not realising how much damage they are causing. I am having a lot of trouble forgiving them and I know I have to or I won't sleep well.

I hope you are doing okay lovely, you are such an important person in my online friend circle xo

[DownMoreThanUp]

@ENKELI (i hope you do not mind my replying) So hard when that happens. i suffered from the same kind of issues, on and off, for the last 21 years.

So very glad you realise what needs to be done. i first i raged at my antagonists in my heart, and then at Jesus for letting them when they did not stop, and for years at the devil for making them do it, and then at myself being the cause of their dislike and cruelties. Yet sadly only ever making things much worse.

So i wish that God's forgiving love floods you from head to toe, so you can offer up all your bad feelings about this to Him, and find peace and His Rest for yourself back in the love of Jesus.

i know easier said than done🤗

A psalm i often meditated on struggling  with the loveless behaviours that have come my way over the years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaXj9Za0qXY&list=RDVaXj9Za0qXY&start_radio=1

[Appleblossom]

@ENKELI Thanks for posting.  

i am sorry that the family is a struggle. 

Dont know why some of us feel so much. You are right we dont want to isolate too much, but times for retreat and salve for our psychic wounds are needed too.

 Glad you had some good times with friends.

Yes, I am committed to keeping social.  Learning all the time about myself and others and different ways of being relational. I have been socialising a lot. On the train and buses, in the music community, and generally. I used to have a lot of fear that wasnt really conscious, but nowadays I am in touch with a lot broader range of feelings which helps when trying to connect.

Good night

apple

[heartathome]

Forgiveness is really difficult when we're hurting and we're not the cause of it @ENKELI ! Family is double trouble when not healthy. I hope you're not too hard on yourself! 

you are such an important person in my online friend circle  I feel so honoured! You are loved by me Enkeli because God has given me so much to share. It's good to have you around here! You are like a spiritual mother to me even though I'm probably older. I hope your day is okay my friend! 💜

 

[heartathome]

Good morning @Appleblossom 

I just spent an hour replying to you and have lost it! 😠 I'm not going to go again at the moment. I need to calm down! I did appreciate your tag and conversation! 💜

[Realness]

Hi @heartathome ,

Just replying about the lost post. It will be in your drafts located in your profile. I lost a long one to you once and was able to retrieve it from drafts. Just scroll down once you're in your profile and the drafts are near the bottom.

[heartathome]

AI helped me with the word ambivert. 😁 I can't remember ever hearing of it before, but it makes perfect sense. I've learnt so many new words since I've been talking to you @Appleblossom !

I look for connections that understand me and my traumas. I only have a few friends, but they are strong, independent women. I guess we all are but are also vulnerable and fragile at times. So, I do have a few friends but can't talk to them about everything! My psych is the only one who gets that. 

Yes, I find many Christians can't deal hanging around broken people for too long. I see them start off and try to convert them. If they don't convert, I see a lot of Christians move on. It saddens me to watch. 😞 Sounds like the Jehovah Witness did the same thing. I don't! I don't think most of the church know how to respond, at least to me. I'm also the only vaper in church, which makes a difference. Most of my friends are not Christians and I love them as they love me! They respect my journey and I'm not one to try and convert them. 

I'm glad you've got weekly appointments with your psych. I hope you find a real connection there! My psych is the one person I have a deep connection with on my side but he's typically professional, which frustrates me no end.