Christian Chat

[Former-Member]

((((( Hugz )))))

[Former-Member]

FORGIVENESS is such a difficult one, because much trauma and illness is rooted in the  way people treat us. How do we forgive these perpetrators?!?! I often have mental images of avenging / revenging on them and have to check myself. But then there's all this anger energy that has nowhere to go. The flesh wants revenge. 

But it's especially hard for the Christian believer because Jesus himself told us we must forgive, and that it's not negotiable if we want God to forgive us 🙁:  Matt 6:14 Jesus said:. "For if you forgive others their trespasses against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive your trespasses against Him, but if ye forgive not, neither can your heavenly Father forgive you..." 😟

Our whole faith is founded upon Jesus making a way for our forgiveness with God... to secure our eternal salvation. So I guess this is something we MUST address sooner than later.

I'd love to know others thoughts on thi?

I don't think God who loves s would want to keep putting us in harm's way with bullies, abusers, perpetrators etc. but One experienced LAY Christian Counselor gave me this valuable insight:

"FORGIVENESS IS NOT NECESSARILY RECONCILLIATION" 

So, it can be one sided, and God doesn't see it as insincere if we avoid hurrful person. This has helped me a lot with people who 'cancel' or ignore me. It's sad apologies are not received with some, even when its just gossip or the hurt was unintentional... but I understand some personalities clash, and hearts are sensitive, some extreme, and the rejection sometimes has very little to do with me. 

The Bible also teaches us to "guard our heart" 

and

"as far as IS POSSIBLE  - be at peace with all"

It sure helps to move on when people stop playing the revenge card and forgive a little. Especially family, but also friends, partners, workplaces and casual relationships...

Any thoughts?  @Shaz51   @Faith-and-Hope   @Smc  @Eve7   @Adge    @Anyone else?

 🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏

[Smc]

@Former-Member, I'd back up what the counsellor told you.

We've been in a position where a freindship turned toxic, and the ex-friend became first dismissive, then quite verbally abusive of us. Not so much to our faces, more in the form of "rubbishing" us to others.

We concluded that the best thing to do was to treat her civilly, but not "chase" the relationship. She did kind of renew a "friendship" of sorts at one point, but it was a "friendship of convenience", not one where we could really trust her. And when we couldn't meet her convenience, it ended very abruptly.

If she came back again, I honestly wouldn't let her into our home. I'd be willing to talk with her outside the home. But we've seen the damage she has done to others as well as to us, and it would simply be wise to keep enough distance to be able to guard ourselves.

Biblically, Paul made no bones about the fact that one man had done him harm, and warned others to be careful 2 Tim 4:14-15. "Alexander the coppersmith did great harm to me. The Lord will repay him according to his deeds. You too should beware of him, for he has vigorously opposed our message." So yeah, it's OK to avoid a toxic person. But not to seek to avenge yourself. Leave them go their own way, and keep your own peace.

[Eve7]

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stick yourself back in the firing line @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Eve7 🙏
@Smc - gosh, you know exactly what I'm talking about, but it's hard to keep those boundaries up when ya lonely and they keep coming back. I'm not sure what Jesus would do... accept keep moving and stay busy perhaps 🤔
Do you pray for this xFriend? - I found praying the Lord bless them to be the biggest test of true forgiveness.
There are some I couldn't forgive untill I read TJ Jake's bk "Let it go" and he reminds us.. "were not letting them off-the-hook, but rather, were taking them off OUR hook and putting them on God's" This helped me a lot with child abuse predictors, God will deal with them harsh.
I've not noticed 2Tim14:14, where even Paul gave negative report of another, bit sad but he had to be quite bad I would think.
Is your xFriend a believer? I'm thinking these spiritual principles only work when it's two-way (in communities with shared values). Maybe that's why we're told to "come out from among them" Think blackdog helped me take that one too far :face_with_rolling_eyes: lol
Anyway, thanks 💙

[Smc]

@Former-Member, we do pray for her. I'd like her to be able to pull things together and build some healthy relationships, but it's something that's out of my hands. She's not a Christian.

Leaving it up to God is really the only thing that works. In part, because we can't see what's driving the person who hurt us. Maybe it's willful hatred, or maybe they're reacting to their own hurt and damage. God will be just, but at the same time, if there's any room for showing mercy, I think he'll do so.

[Former-Member]

I guess @Smc
My nearest friend irl has just been mortified by her eldest daughter sent a letter disowning her parents. It's crushing to see, especially with two grandchildren involved, and of cause the six page letter was highly critical and blaming of parents. It's hard for me as an outsider to understand, these are good people. Bit quirky and compulsive but upright. The daughter is not Christian and mocks their faith. Sad.
I can't help but wonder what Jesus meanr when He said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do"
Good to talk about this stuff somewhere, thank you 💙

[Smc]

Have seen similar to that too @Former-Member. It's such a hard position to be in. xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

💖💕 @Former-Member @Smc @Eve7 @Anastasia @Shaz51 

[Former-Member]

Good one @Faith-and-Hope - powerful. It's very hard for so many to even know what they've done let alone apologise I gess. We really have to heal without them.
Pleased to hear all your kidults stay well in contact with you. Hope new boarder restrictions don't make things too difficult for your family. Guess we gotta be grateful for technology (unlike previous pandemics)
Have a good w'end 💙