Anger

[RedHorse]

Question 2: Anger shows up suddenly and explosively in my life often in response to (1) a perceived injustice to myself, someone I love, or just out in the world and (2) thwarted/unrealised expectations. I call this big anger.

Anger can push me into crisis or "fight" mode where I have the energy and determination to sort matters out. I'm angry so I don't have time to second guess myself. I just get on with it.

Minor things going wrong, like realising I am going to be late for an appointment I am driving to can make me angry too. I call this little anger.

I think I tend to show big anger externally - by engaging with the cause and addressing the situation directly - and little anger internally - by berating myself with harsh words and feeling inadequate. Ah, I will rename these external and internal anger.

Wow @cloudcore this discussion has really got me thinking. Thankyou to you for hosting it and to all for sharing their answers to these questions.

[Oaktree]

I don't think I feel angry a lot but when I do it's usually appearing out of frustration. I feel let down and resentful, humiliated and ridiculed, frustrated and annoyed, distant and withdrawn. I usually vent my anger by doing stupid things like writing letters and actually sending them. Also I am super self critical.

[BPDSurvivor]

Question 2:

How does anger show up in your life?

Anger rears it head when a situation doesn't meet my expectations/values. e.g. I hate it when people are late to appointments without a valid excuse. I get so triggered. I've made the time, so if the other person respects my time, they should also be on time!

Anger on the roads is also a big one. It seems that people that drive faster than me are maniacs, and people driving slower than me are morons... I need to work on this one, because I don't think it's a healthy anger.

[Shaz51]

Question 2:

How does anger show up in your life?

Interesting question @cloudcore , I hardly get to the  angru point , i usually get upset first before getting angry so everyone knows when i am upset as i start to cry 

when i do get to the angry point , i usually say what is on my mind which is actually right and then I leave quickly 

[Arizona]

I just wanted to say...

I can't really explain it yet but doing this exercise today was helpful because it made made me realise how much I hate myself. And I cried.

I find it hard to get in touch with my feelings and cry most of the time. 

[NatureLover]

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@SJT63 wrote:

I really, really hate being angry.

@SJT63 I do too. 

Question 2:

How does anger show up in your life?

As a result of injustice, verbal attack or harsh criticism (especially from my father), being misrepresented, as a result of someone refusing to have mercy on me...

[SJT63]

@RedHorse 

you sound just like my Mr. Filled with an uncontrollable righteous indignation - except that in your case you can recognise it in yourself. I applaud that. Knowing your traits like that is a great step towards winning at life!

@Arizona @cloudcore @NatureLover @Shaz51 

I read a common thread in most of the posts about anger toward self. I used to indulge in a lot of self-flaggelation before I learnt that sometimes being angry about what was happening around me was a legitimate response and not something to be avoided or ashamed of. 

I am LOVING this thread.

[Appleblossom]

Anger to the self is a big issue for me and in my family of origin.  It is not that big a thing for the family I married into.  They were used to a lot of cushy boundaries and very proactive about protecting them.

Still ambivalent about this new fad of boundaries.  Yes they can help, but if over used can be a problem too. I have read all the links .... Had my own quals in mid 1980s.  Simply not in a position to feel or know what it was like to have boundaries that most others can take for granted.

Also ambivalent about "punctuality" as the crime of the century issue.  My time versus your time and who gets paid and how much and all that yadayada.  Its very middle class and so more than an essential issue ... I kinda like the concept of "jam karet". (Indonesian)

Mostly I respect other people and their time, but am a bit over people being "precious".  Learning to speak up and PUT up my LIMITATIONS on others is still a WORK in progress.

[cloudcore]

Question 3:

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

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@BlueBay @RedHorse @Arizona @SJT63 @Owen45 @Appleblossom @Eve7 @Snowie @Shaz51 @JungleGiants @BPDSurvivor @wellwellwellnez @NatureLover @Oaktree 

[cloudcore]

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[Eve7]

If I have bottled things up I will get a migraine and then sh. Not very good at dealing with anger and frustration @cloudcore