A Poem? Maybe?

[NikNik]

Hi @kato

I was so excited to read your post. Not just because of the huge achievement of going back to work, but the huge amount of insight you show in what is causing you not to feel great. Additionally, you're not letting those get in the way, you acknowledge them and work on them.

THAT. IS. INSPIRING

I hope you're proud of yourself!

Also - it might be worth starting a new discussion and reposting your post above. I think the name of this thread 'A Poem? Maybe?' would make people assume that this thread is full of poems.. and I don't want this post containing this amazing news, to get lost!

[kato]

Hi @NikNik

i just didn't really see a reason to create a separate post just on that... but it can be moved, i am not sure how to tho now that it is posted maybe i will post it in a new thread and delete this one

[Ellie]

Thanks for the update Kato. It must be very satisfying to finally be back at work again. I suppose it will take awhile to adjust, especially getting up when you're used to staying in that bit longer, but you'll get used to it again soon.

All the best with it Kato and please let us know how you're doing every so often.

Kind regards,

Ellie.

[kato]

Back to Work

Back to Life

Distractions are nice

But they are exactly that distractions

i have been back at work nearly 6 weeks i think,

I still really struggle waking up in the mornings (thank goodness for my parents waking me up)

My reason for writing this morning, I am using work as a distraction,

I am finding myself lately being a bit bouncy with mood fluctuations, which is a small concern

i really should book in to see my g.p again.....

i see my new psychiatrist Monday........... altho i did think it was last Monday and turned up there only to be told it was next week LOL

Now i know you are reading this and saying but how are you using work as a distraction......

Well basically, i have work mode and that's about it, i have shut off thoughts of what i have lost, i don't allow myself to feel sadness about what happened, and when asked by someone who doesn't know the story behind it all, which is most people at work, i brush it off like i don't care.

And it's not that i don't care or don't want to care, I am afraid of falling in the dark pit of despair, of depression, currently, my behaviour is very much adhd like, and like i said my mood is bouncing.

I am not really sure what i am saying or asking here...... i am finding myself getting less sleep etc so i figured 4am was a good time to write this

Hope everyone else is ok, i am trying to keep up with you all, but having trouble with time constraints

Oh on the plus side i am doing really well at work

[Ellie]

Hi Kato. So good to hear from you again. Glad to hear you can use work as an effective stratergy for coping. Hope all continues to go well for you.

I could relate to the "work mode" concept, but after my little fall from grace earlier this year and still with almost three months before I have to go back to work, I find I'm still struggling. I have my house on the market and not entirely sure that it's what I want to do. More BPD inpulsivity?? It was exciting to begin with and seemed to fill that internal void, but now I'm starting to find the whole process rather depressing. Last night I took myself off my meds. Yeah, I know!! Of course I hardly slept at all and am now starting to bounce. I can't believe it only took so long to feel this way, but part of it could be down to me too.

Mood fluctuations? Yep. I hear ya! Same with the time constraints. I've just been soooo busy trying to clean the house up for sale and it's an ongoing process, so sorry to everyone that I haven't been about much lately. I have been reading the posts though. Mostly I don't feel I have much to add.

Anyway, I have an "open home" happening this morning and I have to disappear for half an hour or so, so I'd better go and get ready. Not happy when all I want to do is sit by the fire, but what can you do?

Kind regards to all,

Ellie.

[PeppiPatty]

dear @kato,

Its good good to read from you.....

And reading that sticky taped comment at the bottom of your message that your work is going well 😉

Isnt work just is a means to replace the  Time that you could be lying in bed  compulsively smoking? Lol.....

Missed you but reading aboout your work is ....

Awesome!  

[NikNik]

Hi @kato

So great to hear you're doing well at work.

I don't think work being a distraction is a bad thing - there could be a lot worse things you could be doing to distract yourself! Do you see work adding value to your life (ie: connection, friendships, achievement)? If so, I think it's more than a 'distraction' - you are working hard towards a life you want - and that's inspiring 🙂

How did the appointment with the new psychiatrist go? What prompted seeing a new one?

@Ellie - I was concerned to read that you have taken yourself off your meds. I hope you're travelling okay. This discussion about switching or going off medication might be helpful for you?

Thanks for the update @kato - I'm not sure what's going on with your email subscriptions, but you can take a look by going to your profile and then the pressing ' edit settings' link in the box on the right hand side. Let me know if you need a hand with that!

Nik

[Ellie]

Thanks for your concern NikNik. I was only on two types of meds, one a mood stabiliser and the other an anti-psychotic. I had to go back on the anti-psychotic within 24 hours because of the nausea I was experiencing. Yuck! However I've remained off the mood stabiliser but not sure how that's working out. A friends who is concerned about me lagged me in to the psych team. They got in contact with me yesterday and were quite blunt in saying that they were going to send out somebody to assess me. I don't want them to come here, but they were adamant and are coming tomorrow at 1100hrs, not that they'll do anything. they're pretty good at talking, but that's about all.

[autumn]

Kato I too think your poem is beautiful....don't stop writing poetry. ...I too write poetry sometimes and find it helpful for me...

[SCORPION]

I SLEEP NO REST

I SLEEP NO PEACE

I SLEEP NO RELEASE

MY MIND IN PAIN

MY BODY IN PAIN

I AM TIRED NOW AND FEAR THE THE DARK AND SLEEP

I TAKE THE PILLS TO STOP THE DREAMS BUT WAKE SO TIRED TO FUNCTION IS HARD

I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN AND KNOW SOME REST

THE WORLDS MY YOKE I CAN NO LONGER BEAR

I SHUT MY EYES BUT ITS ALL STILL THERE

I WANT SOME REST MY MINDS A BLUR

THOUGHTS SO DISTORED

DECISIONS SO HARD

I NEED SOME PEACE

MY MINDS A MESS

LIFE I FEAR I FAILED YOUR TEST

Scorpion