108 Funny Quotes
I love these types of things. xx
@StuF @Judi9877 @Former-Member @TAB @greenpea @Shaz51 @tyme @Kyle1 @RGB @Loz_3647
@Meowmy @wordman @hanami @Appleblossom @Historylover @SmilingGecko & all
Sorry if I forgot to tag you❤️mate x
"It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare."
By Lisa Lieberman-W ang —
1. "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
2. "Be happy, it drives people crazy." — Paulo Coelho
3. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
4. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
5. "Aspire to inspire before we expire." — Eugene Bell Jr.
6. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
7. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson
8. "Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat." — Harry Emerson Fosdick
9. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett
10. "Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow."
11. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett
12. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
13. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
14. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris
15. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
16. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde
17. "Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine." — Lord Byron
18. "Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way." — Charles Bukowski. @TAB haha (roomie)
19. "Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not." — Vaclav Havel
20. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
21. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
22. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
23. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
24. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde @StanD
25. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito." — African proverb quoted by the Dalai Lama
26. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
27. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
28.“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz
29. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson
30. "When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe." — Lisa Lieberman-W ang
31. "Ki ll them with success and bury them with a smile."
32. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa
33. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes
34. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
35. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones
36. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
37. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein
38. “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” — Harold Geneen
39. "If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck." — Elvis Presley
40. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain
41. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
42."Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious." — Og Mandino
43. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler
44. "The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time." —Joe Girard
Inspirational Quotes from Funny Movies
45. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
46. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow
47. “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter
48. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan
49. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka
50. “Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda, “Star Wars”
51. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers
52. “oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”
53. “After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” — Shrek
54. “There comes a day when you’re gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are.’ — Chief Tui, “Moana”
55. “Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” — Merida, “Brave”
56.“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” — Will Rogers
Funny Inspirational Life Quotes
57. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." — Elbert Hubbard
58. “When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White
59. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
60.“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”
61. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope
62. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
63. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller
64. "It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare." — Benjamin Dover
65. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain
66. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
67. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
68. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
69. "Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
70. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson
71. "You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice." — Sam Levenson
72. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll ki ll you.” — Billy Wilder
73. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam.” — George Carlin
74. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White
75. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin
76. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
77. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” — Irish Proverbs
78. "When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'."
79. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James
80. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
81. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain
82. "We make mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions."
83. “Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.”
84. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin
85. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
86. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller
87. "You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out."
Funny Inspirational Quotes for Women
88. "Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up." — Ann Bradford
89. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
90. "I have to be successful because I like expensive things."
91. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” 🙃
92. “Always remember that you are unique — just like everybody else.”
93. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry
94. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.
95. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz
96. "Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway." — Eleanor Roosevelt
97. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss
98. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star
99. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe
100. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand
101. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball
102. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon
103. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” — D ick Van Dyke
104. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown
105. "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself." — Ethel Barrymore
106. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
107. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher
108. "Be that kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh crap she’s up'." ✅
