long-term trauma & abuse, BPD, relationship breakdowns, lack of support/community, difficulty finding work

[tyme]

Heya @magnolia84 ,

Sorry, I only just caught up on my backlog of messages.

So glad to hear from you and hope your weekend was okay.

I've had a busy week so far as the kids here are on school holidays, so I've been spending a lot of time with my nephew and nieces each day. 

How has your week been so far?

[magnolia84]

@tyme sounds like you've had a lovely week. I feel like children always know how to lift the mood. I love spending time with kids.

My week has been ok. Been a bit flat but still pushing on. Spent some time in the garden yesterday and then today I just stayed inside. It was a good couch day with the weather being so miserable. Seeing my psych tomorrow which I'm looking forward to.

Anything exciting planned for you?

[tyme]

I guess we all have couch days at some point or another @magnolia84 .

Glad you were able to have some time out in the garden. I'm not much of a gardener AT ALL. What's your favourite part of being in the garden?

[magnolia84]

@tyme  the thing I like about gardening is that it helps keep my mind off things. Plus there is a nice outcome at the end. 

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

I have a job interview on Monday for just a casual job. I'm nervous because I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to head back to the workforce but the budget means I need to.

[tyme]

Makes a lot of sense @magnolia84 . Totally agree that the 'before' and 'after' of gardening can be encouraging. I used to do the lawns every week, and yes, it was rewarding to see the outcome.

I just realised I typed a response to you three hours ago, but it doesn't look like it sent! My apologies to keep you waiting!

All the best with the job interview. And look, at least you give it a shot, and if it turns out you are not yet ready, that's also okay. But I hear how financially, it can be a struggle.

In my spare time, I like to spend time with my nieces and nephews. Like you said, kids seem to get me out of myself and we have lots of fun together. I don't have my own kids, so I tend to spoil my nieces and nephews. I have 3 nieces and 2 nephews.

I also love spending time on the forums here. It is my forums family 🙂 I've been a member on these forums years ago, and over time, I became a volunteer and then now I'm employed at SANE. Such a rewarding space to be in!

With work, for me, I think it's really important to do what I enjoy. If I'm stressing over work all the time, then I know the work is probably not for me. But I feel this is only because I'm financially able to be picky. I recognise this may not be the case for others.

Whatever it is, do what's right for you.

[magnolia84]

@tyme 

Apologies for the delay in getting back to you. I haven't been in the best headspace and have just needed to hibernate for a little while.

I've been catching up on some TV, reading and sitting out in the sun while I try and restabilise.

How have you been?

[tyme]

No worries if you don't feel up to responding @magnolia84 .

Take your time. No pressure at all. 

Sorry to hear you haven't been the best and ended up hibernating instead.

Glad you were able to get out in the sunshine though. Me too! I love the sunshine. Lifts the mood for me.

I went out for brekkie this morning and then I returned to work on the kids' bikes. I had to readjust them as the kids are growing so fast. They are my nieces and nephews. I don't have my own kids.

Hope your week has been okay.

[magnolia84]

@tyme 

Thank you. It's been a rough week. Lots of tears. Watching some new poppies bloom though kept me going.

I had a very close friend who just didn't answer me when I asked her how she was 3 weeks ago. I'm not sure if she is ok or if it's my fault but it's hard. I'm sure it'll be ok.

Kids are great. Are your nieces and nephews still with you for the holidays?

[tyme]

Hey @magnolia84 ,

The feeling that comes with rejection can really hurt. Your tears are valid. Not sure if you want to reach out again and even just say "I haven't heard from you. Are you okay, or is there something I've done?"

I'm glad you can take time out to observe the flowers. Sounds like connecting with them is one of your strengths! Hence the name, Magnolia?

My nieces and nephews? They live next door and come over whenever they want. I've had a niece in my bed every day of the school holidays... they come to have sleep overs. In my head, I'm thinking "Can't I have my bed to myself?" Then I have to tell myself that they will only do it when they are young and soon I won't see them - so I let them...

I spoil them actually. It's hard not to. 

Kids and flowers both need nurturing. Maybe that's where the similarity lies?

Hugs to you @magnolia84 .

Keep your head up high, my dear.

[magnolia84]

Thanks @tyme for your really kind message.

I sent my friend a message the other day that said that I knew how busy she was but I hadn't heard from her in a while and I was worried I'd done something wrong and was wondering if we could maybe talk. Then I said that I hopes she was ok. Sadly I still haven't heard back. She may be busy, who knows.

I do love flowers. They have definitely gotten me through some tough times these past few months. I'm definitely still in the thick of it but slowly getting there. Still no light at the end of the tunnel though.

That sounds like such a sweet little family environment you have going on. I love children and would love to have a child one day. We will see though.