having a bad morning

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

Well it's all over now.  The gastroenterologist called me in his room, asked a few questions.  He was actually quite nice and good looking!!!  I then had to see the anaesthetist and I was in tears while waiting for him.  I told him to hurry and lets get this done because I was so nervous and anxious. He gave me an injection and that was it. Before I knew I was awake in recovery.

Have to see my GP next week for biopsy results. Now the waiting is anxious.

I'm okay just a bit of stomach pain. 🙂  Looking back now I really over reacted this morning.

[hopey]

Hi sad girl
Sorry you are feeling the way you are. I too go through this. I find writing down how i feel helps, here is a poem i wrote when i had similar feelings to you.
People always judge me 
Tell me how I should feel, 
They tell me to get over it 
That these feelings are not real. 
Until they have walked in my shoes 
Until they’ve had the thoughts in my head, 
Then they can just f*** off 
And take back the things they’ve said. 
They haven’t had to wake up fighting 
Just to want to take the next breath, 
They haven’t had to fight the constant thoughts 
Of wanting the day to end in death. 
Scared to be around people 
But so lonely on your own, 
Wanting so badly to talk to someone 
But then fearful to answer the phone. 
Avoiding everything that catches your reflection 
As you know it will bring you down, 
Then your mood changes quickly 
From a smile to a frown. 
Being scared of the thoughts to end your life
But even more scared to live,
Knowing you need to put up a fight
But having nothing left to give.

All the best ☺

[Former-Member]

Glad you made it through @BlueBay.  I hope you're having a better day.

[BlueBay]

Hi @hopey

I'm not in a good frame of mind this morning, and as i read your post my tears are rolling down my face.  I can so relate to what you wrote.

[BlueBay]

Another morning of facing my emotions.  I hate it so much.  I can't stop crying and yet I have to get ready for work.  Why do i have to work.  i hate everything right now.  i fear of so much of what others will think of me. i don't even really know why i am crying so much.  why can't i just stop crying and be a strong person. not good today

[BlueBay]

i hate putting on fake faces for everyone.  i am sick and tired of living a life of pretending to be happy, pretending to cope. 

have to go to work, it just shits me so much. no one understands.  i don't know if i will be okay. stopped crying for now, getting ready for work, wish i could take a day off but i can't.  why is everything so hard

[NikNik]

Morning @BlueBay

I'm not sure if you're at work now, but I hope you're doing okay.

Crying and being upset doesn't man you're not strong. Getting up and pushing through and getting work done is being strong.

It must be really hard to put on a front at work. I hope at the very least, being at work is a bit of a distraction, even for a few mintues or hours.

Please do something nice for yourself this afternoon and take care.

Nik

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik
I'm not good but at work. So overwhelmed with too much work to be done today not enough time. I'm trying to be ok. Seeing my GP tonight. Don't know if I can do all the work. New staff are hard. It feels like I'm working for two people at the moment. I haven't stopped until now for lunch break.

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik

Just got home before from seeing my GP.  I told him about not feeling too good and in a bad head space.  He asked why did anything happen and I said I don't know; and i started to cry. I cried and cried so much that i had to sit in my car for a while before driving home.

My GP is so good in sitting and listening to me without ever rushing me out.  I just wanted him to give me a hug but he can't which i understand but as i left he put his arm on my shoulder and said to hang in there.

I told him I can't cope with crying all the time.  I am now exhausted and just want to hide away from the family.

Life sucks at times

[Silenus]

Hi @BlueBay

I want to take this opportunity to send you a big soft caring all-enveloping hug...

For 2 years, I lived in a house 800 metres from the beach. It was everything I had wished for and worked towards all of my life...

Where did I spend the vast majority of my time during those 2 years? Erm... yeah... you guessed it... mostly in my bedroom with the door closed and the curtains darkening the room...

Why? Because mental health issues like depression and anxiety suck!

Sigh... I've lost count of the living I've missed out on, just because I couldn't face the world. I'm better at the moment, and hope to remain better for as long as possible. I'm doing all I can to make that happen. I don't know if what I'm doing is making a difference, or if I'm just lucky with my brain and body rhythm behaving just now. Time will tell, I guess...

I hope things improve for you soon @BlueBay

Hugs aplenty beaming your way... 🙂