having a bad morning

[Former-Member]

"Heart Bond" really like that, thank you 👣

[BlueBay]

Caught up with old co-workers this morning. Have a terrible headache. Too many triggers this morning. One person asked me about work and I broke down. Another was talking about her mum and Mother's Day and I just myself out of conversation. Now all I want to do is cry My headache is bad. Need some sleep. Didn't sleep well last night. Awake at 4am thinking of my nightmare about my health and work.

[eth]

Hi @BlueBay  hope you can get some sleep and that your headache is better when you wake up.  I'm going to nap this afternoon too.

[Appleblossom]

Your seasoned approach to CBT made me laugh @Former-Member.

Get the makeover ..if you want ... ignore the ex and attachment .. but it is you that gave birth to your son.  No one can take that away.  Be there for the moment when your boy catches your eye .. and knows you travelled with him.

[BlueBay]

Sobbing, tears are streaming down my face. Didn't sleep too well. Don't want to leave my bed today but I have work. No choice but to go. I need to run away now

[Decadian]

Hey @BlueBay

I know things are really bad - but where are you going to run to?

I think I wrote a message earlier - I am hoping you are going to hospital

It's not so bad - I have had to do this - many people have - you have not failed - life is just too hard right now

Decadian

[Decadian]

Oh boy @Former-Member

I don't really know you yet and anything about your life - so in part I don't know what has happened

But it sounds as if are an outsider - you have lost people in your life and other people have taken over - I'm guessing - because it sounds so much like my life - does it ever?

Whatever it is - I think there has been a Rites of Passage with your son's graduation - and stuff is happening - and a make-over would be good - I like a bit of retail therapy myself

What happened to your baby girl? Did she die - I know I got into these forums through Compassionate Friends - my son died nearly 30 years ago

And I know - how it hurts - but everytime there is a big event - or even an non-event - I have him in my mind - wondering if he knows

I like to think he does -

But whatever is happening - I have you in my thoughts - life can be so cruel at times and so can families

Decadian

[NikNik]

@Decadian

I think @BlueBay was referring to work.
Hope you're taking care of yourself @BlueBay

Nik

[Decadian]

Oh boy @NikNik

I hope so - I feel very worried and there is nothing I can do

But I can handle the way I feel

Decadian

[Former-Member]

@Decadian, thank you for the kind words of empathy & encouragement. I'm real sorry you have lost too. Crippled what was left of me (it feels), b7t what choice do we have. That feeling of being 'replaced' sure sounds familiar. Doesn't help the suicidal ideaology to feel dispensed of. MUST BE ME seems to be the only logical conclusion. But how much do you change for everyone else? Hardly know who i am with them these days. Can't force them to love us! But learning, through self compassion that its ok to look after me, to 'LOVE MY NEIGHBOUR AS MYSELF' & not more than. To believe I deserve it as much as anyone & actually draw that love from myself, God & people like yourself who care. And notice it & accept the good stuff into my soul. There i go prattling on, getting off topic.
Çompassionate friends have been a bit helpful but our local group leader is sickly all the time & feels there's nobody to help or relieve her. The group is clicky (core old buddies) & this year they just meet at the pub bistro for coffee (hate pubs). I'm out of town so too which doesn't help.

Also, with groups & relating to people, my mind dysfunction of reading into things, being hypersensitive & expecting rejection just might be sabotaging connections. The blackdog & bpd i guess. It gets so exhausting to constantly be silencing all the inner alarm bells, bung on the person the want, to walk away crushed anyway.

Its not fair in this world that the broken have to be more accommodating (stronger) than the able, and the blind have to lead the blind while the able busy themselves with more 'important' matters. I can't be what they want so also have the pain of loneliness. What more can we do?

Thanks for letting me get that out.
Gotta go 😟