having a bad morning

[eth]

 @BlueBay  hoping your day improved.  

[Appleblossom]

Hi @BlueBay

I spent a large part of most of this week under the doona.  I am good at dissappearing.

I get that you are underpaid and probably expected to carry too much responsibility while not adequately reimbursed.  We used to have a GP in our neighbourhood also known as the Vet.  He used to yell and humiliate his deske staff.  I witnessed it a few times, and once I later went up and consoled the medical receptionist, as it was obviously out of order and just nasty.

@Faith-and-Hope Your posts about dealing with the rubbish lady struck a chord with me.  Sometimes it takes a long time though, for things to get on an even enough keel, for people to witness when the cosmic wheel turns ...

@Former-Member Congrats about your son. I had several attacks of shivers down the spine ... in a good way ... feeling for you and your boy ... you deserve to make his graduation really special for you both.

[BlueBay]

Day got worse - two meltdowns during the day. I lost it so much. Had to take 10 mins break from work. I've now got an appt to see my GP in 1/2 hr. Going online tonight to chat to lifeline. Had thoughts of running away self harm and even worse.
Can't handle all the stress and responsibility from work and no appreciation.
I am a hard worker but can't handle the pressure and stress at the moment. It's not helping my depression or anxiety.

[eth]

Hope the appointment went well @BlueBay.  Sending you strength and courage 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Sending you gentle hugs @BlueBay

💜💐

[BlueBay]

Hey @eth and @Faith-and-Hope

I just saw my GP and told him to admit me to hospital - but he said he can't.  It has to be my psychiatrist.  What the hell I thought GP's can admit me as well.  Why can't he just call my psych and put me in.

Anyway so now my gp is away for 4 weeks and has told me to see another doctor, who i have seen before. I am over it; over trying to get better.  my work stress and expectations of me to perform even more than what i am already doing is crazy.  my melt downs today have been so bad.  my co-worker who is also a close friend was worried about me and said i could easily go on stress leave.

My gp has suggested i write an email to my supervisor (who doesn't work with us but comes in to the store once a momth) and tell him i am not coping and would like some responsibility taken off me.  But i feel that if i do that it is failure - it is a reflection on my inability to cope.  

He does know of my depression, anxiety and knows i was in hospital last year.  

i just don't know anymore.

Thank you both for your caring thoughts to me and your hugs.  much appreciated and love the hugs. xxxooo

[Faith-and-Hope]

Have a gentle weekend @BlueBay

Rest.  Breathe. Rest some more ❤️

[NikNik]

Hi @BlueBay

What did the GP say about you stopping your medication?

Nik

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member Hi 🙂

That is so awesome about your son ❣

So nearly there ...

A makeover for his graduation is a wonderful way to celebrate, and it will mark the occasion with a special memory for him as well.

Together you are succeeding in charting a new course for your family.  Congratulations !! That's huge ❣

[BlueBay]

@NikNik

I forgot to tell him.  When i walked in there i was upset and we were talking about work.  I will start taking them again tomorow.

I am such a failure, a hopeless person who can't cope with the slightest bit of extra pressure or stress.  I think its because of my BPD and anxiety that I just can't handle any bit of stress.  To me it's too overwhelming.

I just don't know what to do with our finances or lack of.  I am so scared that we will have no house. i feel so trapped because i have to work and that i can't even take a day off if i don't feel well or mentally need a day off because i have to work and have no sick leave left.

i feel so stuck. my life seems stuck.  maybe disappearing would solve my problems. i so hate my parents. but i miss my dad so much.