having a bad morning

[Silenus]

Oh my... @Faith-and-Hope - so beautifully said... thank you...

And thank you all for sharing your life stories, your perspectives. Powerful stuff...

Love and compassion, understanding and acceptance... these are my favourite qualities. They are what allow me to cope with bipolar unmedicated... difficult but possible...

[BlueBay]

Crying at work. Lost the plot. That lady didn't put rubbish in bin so I lost. I don't get paid enough for putting up with this shit.
Over it and everything in my life. Trying to calm down need to start with.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay

Take some deep breaths.  Count to ten,  Take some more deep breaths.  Count to ten again.  Keep going until you feel calmer.

Its not about the rubbish, it's about the insult, and the fact that she thinks she can do this to other people and just get away with it.

Let me tell you something - she is not getting away with it.  People like her deal in rubbish.  They have a big build-up of rubbish in their life that they haven't deal with, so physical rubbish follows them around.  

They leave rubbish for other people behind them, which is what you are seeing, but with her "rubbish attitude", she is actually leaving this job with a whole lot of emotional rubbish going with her.

Sweep all the rubbish, and her, out of your life.  Be done with it as you tidy the rubbish away, knowing that you are not sitting there under the insult, you are taking dharge of it and throwing it out of your life.

if anything, feel a little bit sorry for her, now, or if it's too hard, later (even a loooong time later will do) that she has chosen to keep living a life full of rubbish that spills out on everyone else everywhere she goes, and wish her well for the future.  Maybe one day she will realise what she is doing, and try to find help for herself.  She is not your problem though.  Just let her go.

❤️

[BlueBay]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

Looking back to yesterday morning I really did lose it, so bad that I apologised to the staff.  It was a huge outburst of anger, frustration that just came out. And i was emotoinal as well because i knew how much extra work i had to do.

That particualr lady came in during the day to let me know about money not right in the till (which has happened more than once).  I was so angry when she came in that I couldn't even look at her. I told her I hadn't read her note and that the other girl would have checked it in the morning.  But what she also did was not pay for her medication which she took and also for a packet of lozenges which she opened on Monday while at work and not paid.  So as she was leaving I said to her "are you going to pay for the medication and how about the lozenges you have at the back counter".  She turned around and said oh yeah i forgot about that, I wasn't going to do a runner".  Yeah I bet she wasn't!!!  She paid them and that was it.  She has one more shift on Saturday morning and that's it, but I won't see her.

Yeah @Faith-and-Hope i guess in a way i do feel sorry for her - she has a lot of shit going on. But then so does everyone else. I guess her work ethics are not like mine.  Everyone is different.

I got through a lot of loose ends stuff that I had to finalise and order for staff.  But last night all the extra work I am doing now made me realise that I am not been paid for any extra work.  And the wage I am getting is very low.  I think this part is what is getting to me to - the extra responsibility, pressure and stuff left for me to do now - with no recognition or pay increase.

i don't want this extra pressure, it just puts more pressure on me and my anxiety and depression gets worse.

Hopefully today will be a much better day. 🙂

ps.  thanks again @Faith-and-Hope for your help in calming me down and just being here. xxx

[BlueBay]

I've stopped my meds. Started drinking. I'm so stupid. Idiot. Hopeless. Just want to stay under my doona.

[BlueBay]

my morning has just got a whole lot worse and all i want to do now is disappear.

why did i look at our finances - i was okay before then; but now i am a mess.  i have wrecked my make up for work, i am sobbing because there is not enough money in our account. 

too many what if's ??  too mnay negative thoughts 

damn everything in my life;  another huge hurdle and i don't know if i have the energy to get through

crying mess, have to go to bloody work to help with finances, i feel so stuck in my life

all i want to is go away forever and forget all this mess

[BlueBay]

and do you think lhubby looks at the finances - no he just plots along like everything is fine and things get paid.  does he ever get on the internet and check the balances of our accoutns - NO.

how many times do i have to show him how to use the internet banking - TOO MANY TIMES

i want to hide; run, scream, cry, hit, scratch, punch, yell, run fast, hide under my doona.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay

I am sorry you are having a bad morning.  Yeah, things suck sometimes, and it's good to vent a bit when that is all you feel able to do.  Sounds like you have let off a lot of steam there !  

I hope you have recovered a bit now, and can re-do your makeup and get to work.  You have to keep looking forward and moving forward, because you never know what might be around the corner.  I hope you have a wonderful day of little surprises waiting for you -

You know, like the unexpected smile from someone who looked a bit grouchy ...

Or the till at work ringing up a big sale and arriving right on an even number of dollars with no cents ...

Or someone taking the moment to pick up something you dropped when your hands were a bit full ...

Those sort of things.

And I hope you can stay in the moment, "postponing the worries" as @Mazarita says, and notice the little gifts of human kindness coming your way ❤️❤️❤️

We are all sending you hugs and happy thoughts, your forum family here.

[Former-Member]

I can relate to the difficult family & mum stuff. My mum has always been cruel but now she has this terminal cancer & both reaching out for help & lashing out. Never know if i'm Arthur of Martha around her. Its hard to remain centred around parents who've never given you a voice. Have to withdraw & do my self compassion exercises.

@Faith-and-Hope, hows your day? Where ya been? Love the butterfly. All your pics actually.

Might be off out of line @BlueBay but is it really a good time to go off your meds?

My son tells me this morning he has only 9 days of his degree left. One test & two assignments which are in the bag. So proud of him. Its taken him 7 years, with depression, grief (his only sibling) & crippling glandular fever & i've not been the best backstop barely holding my own & so far away. But my prayers are real and powerful & he's worked so hard. Its like i can exhale now. Had a nice thought yesterday - have a makeover for his grad & stand there as the proud mum. He's the first person in my entire family to finish a uni degree.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member

❤ the shout-out. Thank you 😘

Still running at the moment with commitments - another full-on morning, but nearly through it - and I need to grab some sleep sometime soon to be able to keep going across the rest of the day.

Might catch up with you for a hot chocolate a bit later on ..,

🌺 F&H