having a bad morning

[pip]

Hi @Decadian. The actual full rhyme is: 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt'. It's an absolute crock. The significance behind the words are supposed to convey that no matter what somebody says, the words can't hurt. Unfortunately, when you are called something like, ninny, nutty etc, those words hurt because you feel less than human, you feel as though you're a wasted space. I frequently copped from mum similar to you, except I also got the added extra of: 'I'm the worlds' worst mum'. This was supposed to make me feel guilty and I was supposed to beg forgiveness and thank God for such a wonderful mum. I was not there when mum died, she was alone. I found out she had passed when the police arrived to inform me. I was incredibly sorry to learn of her unexpected death, but more so because of the many unresolved issues between us. We had become estranged (her choice) after my dad died, the relationship never resolved, so when she died, I felt like I'd lost her again. When dad died, she disowned me, blamed me for his death. My marriage was fairly new then, but hubby couldn't emotionally support me, didn't know how to. I had to face a lot of stuff alone. If I had been there when mum was dying, I think she would've called for my brother as he was the favorite. This all happened over 20 years ago, I have long since resolved everything I had to. I have come to terms with her passing, her rejection of me. I'm no longer in pain. My life is now better than ever, I have a wonderful bf who cares and loves me for who I am instead of what he thinks I should be. My ex hubby always wanted me to 'do as I was told', my bf just wants me to be happy, that's all he wants. Now and again, he advises me against something that might cause hardship. He never says 'don't do it', just advises possibly this is not the right time. Advises me to think carefully before acting. Ex would simply say, 'don't, because you can't'. His meaning: he didn't have the confidence in me. Bf says, 'give it a go, what have you got to lose?' Bf boosts, ex didn't.

[Faith-and-Hope]

You've done a lot of work to overcome the lack of nurturing in your earlier life @pip, and build great self-nurturing skills in around you .... well done !! So glad to hear your bf supports you so beautifully in that ..... it's precious .....

💗💕

[pip]

@Faith-and-Hope. The beauty of my bf is that I met him when I was at the lowest ebb in my life. I actually found another forum (cannot mention it because he still advises on it). I 'logged on' to this forum and he answered me. Over several months he pulled me out of where I was and gave me the strength to make some life-changing decisions. Because of this man I have since made some important decisions concerning my job. I have re-discovered my worth as a person and my strength to stand alone and be proud of what I have overcome. It's only recently he admitted to the change in our relationship to that of bf/gf status. While we live separately, our connection is strong. I could never live with another guy, been married 3 times. He could never live with another woman, he's been on his own too long. One day, hopefully, we will reunite, that is worth everything, even though it'll be temporary. He lives interstate, I will not relocate, he won't either. I respect his right to live where he chooses. He respects my right to do the same. We are happy with our particular relationship (long distance). Suits both of us. No 'chains', no broken promises, just knowing when and if we do get to spend time together, it'll be what we want.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@pip sounds like it fits the bill perfectly for you both at the moment.

You know from my posts on the forums that my WH's illness has changed the nature of our relationship .... it's the best we can do in the here and now .... there's still a heart connection there, and I have been told that the real him is trapped inside his circumstances ..... to never forget that ....

So happy for you .... ❤

Waiting for my time to come around again .... lots of work in the way of that at the mo ....

Patience. Perseverence. You've seen it all by the sounds ....

Hugs 🌷

[utopia]

@Faith-and-Hope. I'm sure your time will come again - when you get to reconnect with the man you married.
So wonderful that you can still recognise and acknowledge that the heart connection is still there.
When your husband does come out of his cocoon , he is going to be beyond thankful. And we will all celebrate with you.
I believe in keeping optimistic. I believe in faith in the human spirit and hope that your husband will emerge from his cocoon soon.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks &utopia .....

.... might be kicking and screaming .....

💗💕

[Shaz51]

Hello @Decadian 

thank you for your message xx'

It is surprising what you can manage from timt to time through our lives

I think how AWESOME you are for what you have been through my friend , and I am proud of you

Hello @BlueBay, @Faith-and-Hope, @utopia, @pip xx

[utopia]

Hello @Shaz51. How has your day been?

[Appleblossom]

@BlueBay the effects of experiencing early sexual abuse goes fairly deep into our responses.  I think going into a paralysed or startled response is common ... because the flood of feelings .. is so inappropriate and difficult to process.  

So no, we dont think of going to sit in another carriage .. or in many women's cases, move away from abusive partners, they used to call it battered wives syndrome.

For some reason I was in denial about my own abuse, til a few months ago, and a social worker for the Royal Commission, told me I had been abused. I was fixated on my siblings and my father's sexual abuse story.  My mother was totally horrible about it all, whether it was for dad, my sister or me.  It seems many mothers put blinkers on ... and the hurt that creates is serious.

Hope we can get over it together .. am feeling particularly low tonight.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I'm around for a while @Appleblossom .....

❤️💐