embarrassed and hurt

[tyme]

Speak again mid week sometime. Take care until then @sol_49 

[sol_49]

Struggling right now.

When I am happy I want to talk to him.

And when I start to write to him in private (to myself) I realise how humiliating it is, to write to him, when he is probably off with some romantic weekend away with his partner.

I am dangling on his hook!

And it sucks.

But it feels like 'nothing else will do'.

[tyme]

You CAN do it! @sol_49 ,

Remember the model of behaviour change. You have actioned, and now it's about maintaining so that you don't relapse.

Hence we are here to support you. 

Let's brainstorm a list of things that can potential give you the same chocolate hit as messaging this person? Hopefully, when we have a list of things, you can replace the messaging with some of these things.

- consider things you like

- consider your protective factors

- consider the things that energise and keep you going

Here for you.

[sol_49]

Thanks @tyme

I haven't messaged him, but I have checked my statistics.

To be honest, it feels like I am dying right now. I think that is dopamine addiction speaking.

I don't have the strength to brainstorm ways to get these needs met, because I feel terrible.

I will come back to your post when the worst of these withdrawals is over though! Thank you! I think it is an excellent step forward.

The statistics are one part of it. Or at least it is those that make me take action in ways that I regret later. Messaging this person is like skimming a layer off the top of my mind.

This afternoon I have been craving conversation, and I think this is why. My blog is a good outlet.

So tired of regretting opening up and being vulnerable to someone who shows nothing of his hand though. I honestly think at this point that it is not going to get any better. This realisation might just be the rational kick that helps me to leave my personal blog behind.

How are you doing today?

[sol_49]

I feel so sick.

This dopamine withdrawal is HELL. And it feels like the only way to get through it is to write it out.

[tyme]

You CAN do it! @sol_49 

YOU CAN DO IT!  Write it out! Delete the apps. 

Go find a distraction! Play a game.