Musings on Buddhism and Self Evolution

[Silenus]

It is a difficult journey, this ongoing trek from asshat to arhat...

I will be the first to admit that I can be a real asshat sometimes. Lost in a fog of ignorance, I make mistakes and fall back into a selfish lack of awareness about my self, my actions and inactions, and their sometimes significant and detrimental consequences for those around me...

I also fall back into old comfortable patterns, and past hard-fought growth and progress end up being just another ticked box that is no longer true. Sometimes, my regression sees me take more backwards steps than forwards, and the difficulty of the journey starts to drag at me like a bag full of heavy stones, each one a failure, a defeat...

The journey of self improvement and self evolution is not for the fainthearted... in this life journey, the more that you learn shows you how little you know... and it is this seeming vulnerability that is one of our greatest strengths...

When we are certain of something, we have a room in our mind that we put that thing into. The room has no windows or other source of light, for we never need to look again at all of these things we are certain about. They sit there in the darkened room in our mind, forever unchallenged, gathering unseen dust, giving us false comfort in a chaotic and unsure world...

And so we are lost, if this is our chosen approach to gathering wisdom, our chosen way of navigating our life journey along this easy comfortable road well travelled...

In Buddhism, an Arhat is a person who has achieved Nirvana, and has gained insight into the true nature of existence... it's kind of like a state between enlightenment and going full Buddha, if you will...

For me, the journey from asshat to arhat is the most important one in my life... unlike Buddhists, I do not believe in reincarnation or an afterlife, so I've got one shot at getting better, at trying to improve myself... I don't think that I could live with myself if I didn't give it my all to be the best me I can possibly be...

Thanks for reading... much love and respect to the community...

[Appleblossom]

@Silenus 

Good to see you.

Buddhism and self development were early interests in my life.  I found many aspects helpful and inspiring, particularly meditation, and their precepts, though I could never go for the reincarnation aspect, the precepts seemed more pertinent than the Ten Commandments, and other stipulations in the religion of my parents.  A widow of a buddhist told me something like...  there are as many humans in Buddhism as in Christianity ...  arhats are a little like saints.... 

I have many weaknesses and can only try and live with it all ... I do try to stretch myself, but to stretch myself too thin, does not help me or those around me.  SO I return to metta ... loving kindness ... and try and understand the human condition.

[Maggie]

@Silenus  You may have no idea how much I value your response,  Thankyou so much. 

In Your words are wisdom, and deep humility. Thankyou again.

[Silenus]

@Maggie ... we teach each other, we reach out to each other, we beseech each other... and along our bumbling journey we each find a path to something other, something new...

A breaking of lifelong patterns... a gradual awakening, gathering in pace, revealing inner challenges and wonders... valleys and peaks to explore, mental compass in hand, spinning wildly at first, but settling in general directions that eventually become clearer...

Oh my... I do love life so very much... a simple idea has the power to profoundly change a life, sometimes in mere instants...

For decades I was dumb... then I finally reached my pain threshold and started smarting up...

And everyone here is a big part of that... by sharing our experiences, our thoughts and feelings, our dreams and fears and hopes, our challenges and failures and triumphs, our strengths and vulnerabilities; we become greater ourselves, and help others to become greater too...

I'm a big fan of that... hurting humans helping each other and themselves, seeking each other out for solace and kindness and a shared experience of pain, and the seeds of empathy and compassion sprout and grow...

This is the power of words, of writing... it connects the isolated with each other... a herd together is stronger... we look out for each other... we know how it feels to suffer and survive, even thrive... and then dive again, only to once again survive...

Much love and respect to the community... together we are stronger...

[Silenus]

Hi @Appleblossom ! Oh yeah... the human condition... a very complex Pandora's box full of kettles of fish calling the pot black...

What was it Frank Herbert wrote in Dune? "If wishes were fishes, we'd all cast nets."...

Lots of hugs and happy vibes beaming your way...

[BlueBay]

The psin is there 

it never goes 

I fear so much 

just let me go

Why I ask 

is life so hard 

What have I done 

to deserve all this 

I'm the one that is suffering 

not you

im the one thst was vulnerable 

snd sexually abused 

and now I'm here all alone 

the years go by

and I start to wonder why 

why me???

i thought I was good 

and now not so sure 

I didn't deserve this 

pls take it away 

let me go with peace and love 

for I was a child 

and now look at me 

a grieving girl

im sngry I'm lost

who am I 

whst do I want 

I have no idea 

self harming is escalating 

for that I know for sure 

why did you hurt me 

I hate you so much 

anger frustration overwhelmed emotional angry hurt betrayed trust 

anger anger anger 

if only you could see how deeply affected and hurt 

what you have done I will never forgive you 

you took away my trust 

you took away my love 

you took away my innocence 

you took away me 

😢😢😢😢😢

[Silenus]

@BlueBay ... it's such a difficult and painful balancing act between grief, anger, despair, and ultimately, hope... huggles...

[BlueBay]

@Silenus thanks gor your reply snd hugs but 

I can't see hope 

sll I see is the dark hole I'm in snd every single tine I try something happens that throws me back down 

im sorry to be a terrible negative mind. 
life sucks 

[Silenus]

Sweet @BlueBay ...  no need to be sorry... pain results from painful situations and life events, most often way beyond our control... it is natural, inevitable even... like ripples on the pond after the rock has been thrown in...

We navigate these ripples, which to us are mighty waves, and eventually we learn to breathe again...

It is awful. It is terrible. But it is necessary...

[BlueBay]

Thankyou @Silenus ❤️
some days the waves are so huge I get thrown around, tossed and turned. My mind is like a wave too, all confused. 
this makes sense as some days the waves are flat calm and so is my mind. And then the tidal wave comes agsin. 
I get it. This makes perfect sense.