Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[BlueBay]

Hi @Sylvester

I went to Lifeline and chatted online. I am sorry i am not in a good headspace, really bad. they were concerned for me and wanted me to go to hospital. But i can't, my husband and kids think i am fine, i am scared to tell them for fear of them not believing me. i am hurting so much inside. I wish my GP had of put me into hospital last night when i asked him, but he said he couldn't that my psych has to.

i am sorry, i am writing this on the wrong post. 

i think i will call my psych on Monday and see what he says.  I am feeling so bad, horrible negative thoughts and so many plans in my head of what i want to do.

i am sorry

[Sylvester]

Don't worry there is no right and wrong with us here so please don't apologise.  It must be awful not feeling that the ones you love believe you.  Are they frightened do you think?  Try to get your breath relaxed (do you know breathing exercises) and keep on chatting with us here tonight and over the weekend until you speak to your psych.  Is there any other tecniques that you have been taught that you can use to change the negative head space?  If things don't improve maybe it would be a good idea to say to your family that you are not feeling well and need to get some assistance.  

remember keep breathing 

Sylvester

[BlueBay]

@Sylvester

i feel they don't understand mental illness. last time i was in hospital last year they thought i was only going to say a few nights. i ended up staying for 10 days.  they turn a blind eye towards it and it really annoys me.  i guess they may be frightened and maybe thats why i dont want to show my 'true' emotions and feelings.  i don't know.

i am losing it; i can't stop worrying about our finances. why can't i just talk to my husband and kids. they are adults.

maybe i feel ashamed that i have a mental illness.

this is too much tonight, i really should just go. if only it was easy to grab my bag and leave, just walk out and keep walking - i can't what the hell am i thinking. i would miss my kids so so much and my husband would be so upset if i left;

damn i am so confused, my head is thinking of too much, i wish someone could help me

i am not coping, gee i wish i could scream.

i need to stop and breathe, can someone pls just talk to me for a little while, just about anything,

[Appleblossom]

Are you home alone? @BlueBay

Can you describe the room you are in?

[Silenus]

@BlueBay - I remember back in Denmark, the forests were very different to Australian ones. The colours of green were so much brighter in Denmark... more rain I guess... the beech forests were truly astounding... during spring, when the sun shone through the new leaf shoots... colours impossible to describe... so beautiful...

My spirit tree is the silver birch...

It took me years to train my eye to truly appreciate the Australian forests. There is so much beauty when you know where to look...

[Sylvester]

I am so sorry that you are struggling tonight @BlueBay have you listened to this it may help with you having a break from your thoughts.  

https://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes?language=en

[BlueBay]

@Appleblossom @Silenus
I'm home with hubby and the 2 boys, my daughter is out with her new boyfriend. Boys are watching the footy.
My hubby is asleep on couch. Dog now asleep too. Boys are downstairs. Room is big full of children photos. I love my kids so much. We have a little bit of city view.
I can't stop worrying about money and how we will cope. My life is over.

@Silenus
Trees I love Japanese maple tree. We have two in our garden. I love colored gardens.
I'm crying I'm sorry

[Appleblossom]

Sounds like a lovely family home. @BlueBay I bet you do love your kids and husband .. but often if they are very blokey they dont know how to listen to a woman.  In a way I am lucky my son has the same intersts as I do .. 

@Silenus I know a silver birch planted near Half Moon Bay .. at my Fnnish friend's place.

@BlueBay When we were running our company I was much more anxious about money whereas my husband seemed casual and certain.  Maybe yours knows where more money is coming from and so doesnt stress.

What kind of colours do you like .. I have dark green tapestry heavy woven curtains and a tulip leadlight light fixture .. greens browns burgandy ... lots of pics on wall .. shades of Europe here in Aus.. but i also love the bay.

[BlueBay]

Yeah @Appleblossom my hubby is laid back. I love orange reds and greens. Lime is another colour I love. I love where I live so close to the beach (15 min walk). It's a beautiful bay with mountains on one side.
Thanks for chatting with me.

[Appleblossom]

I had an orange thing .. going .. partly because things were on special .. eg curtain material and a lightweight cardy with a big button.  Now I dont mind wearing bright colours .. I always wore mostly black til recently.

Are you really going to sell your house?