Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[BlueBay]

I’m not eating @Former-Member  i don’t want to 

thanks @Maggie @CheerBear  for your support and just being here xxx

[Meowmy]

Barely I can remember, the profound helplessness those years of falling down in the hospitals. Then just the world closing in , to look at me in pity, I felt deep sadness, not knowing where fate will carry me to, I didn’t want to answer that mad man’s assertion into my soul. Somehow beneath my madness, I know a sense of well being. Time goes on, then I met some good people, so life carried me to here, that I seem to be better. Those loud dramatic mad men no longer in my life. I look at the rainy sky opening up in deep Winter.I yet feel somehow fearful to lose memories of love and youth.  When again will be a time again, to remember those days of happiness, togetherness, tenderness, youthfulness, would you look again in my eyes, to the love known, friendship that carries, life in torment.?

[-Liz-]

@BlueBay trust that part of you that wants to seek help. What is the point of your work and your money if you don't have your mental health? Perhaps talk to your work about options of leave in lieu or leave without pay? It's discriminatory for them just to sack you. Perhaps as you say all you need is some time alone and you can and maybe that's what you need more than hospital? Please don't plod along to breaking. It's like if you take a step back on a board game each day it's just that little bit harder to get back to that starting point. Trust your instincts with help but if breaking is in the foreseeable future please seek help sooner rather than later x

[-Liz-]

I've started writing a book though I'm not sure I'll ever publish it. It's a day to day insight in to the thoughts and doings of my newly diagnosed CPSTD/PTSD head. Is this something that would help others or the family and friends of others? It's near completion in content but there's plenty of editing ahead. Really interested as to what people's thoughts are x

[BlueBay]

Where’s my post gone???

@Former-Member 

[BlueBay]

Nice to meet you @-Liz- 

At the moment I don’t have any choice about hospital 

i won’t get paid. I can’t do that to my family. Because we are barely  living fortnight to fortnight. 

I di see my wonderful doctor fortnightly so he is keeping check. He told me tiday that if he feels I need to go he will admit me in. 

Its true about what you you say about why wirk if you don’t have your mental health. But it’s hard when I don’t have money. 

I am st the moment taking day by day even hour by hour tiday. 

I appreciate your input. 

I have written a book about my life. My childhood sexual abuse snd mental illness. I’ve written quite a lot of chapters. But no one has read it and I’ll never show anyone. 

I would though like to write a Children’s book on abuse and how the child can speak up. Not like me I waited 44 years to talk. And it’s ruined me terribly. But nit even sure where to start the process. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @blue Bay

It is Whitehawk the moderator here.  I have sent you an email about your post. It needs a wee edit of the bit about weight loss.

regards

Whitehawk

[Owlunar]

---

@BlueBay wrote:

Why is life so hard 

thst everyday is a struggle 

to put one foot in front of the other 

to be heard is one thing 

to be loved is another 

I’m tired I’m sick 

I’ve had enough 

I’m so unsure about me and my life 

tablets are poison 

psychs are poison 

I’m not going to eat anymore 

I’ve had enough 

I just need a rest 

I need to go away 

I need to do it now 

why is life so hard ?

---

I'm sorry things are so tough @BlueBay  and although you have made tough but realistic choices you decision not to eat is not a good one - it will land you in hospital because it's self-sabotage and it's not a good call

If your doctor has agreed to put you in hospital then it's better to make the choice to go rather than hurt yourself - 

Now I do know it's your mental health that leads you to make poor choices but you have been learning to cope better by doing all this extra work - you could choose to eat for the rest of the week and then go to hospital

And you are not letting your family down - everyone leans on you and you are holding the whole thing together and this has to be a huge strain on anyone - 

So make yourself some soup and toast and see how your feel in the morning then finish this weeks work after you have sorted it out with your doctor

Hurting yourself - any kind of self-harm including not eating - is not good and doesn't help anything

Settle down and breathe - and eat - and if you still feel so bad in the morning get back onto your doctor

We care about your here

Dec

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar 

whst I meant to write was if my doctor thought I need hospital he’ll put me in. But for now he’s not. 

Ok ive eaten something small. My negative head is telling me otherwise. 

I’m seeing my dietitian this Friday. Bet he won’t be happy. Well I don’t care. 

@Owlunar  I want to scream. Like a child having a tantrum. 

[Owlunar]

I'm glad you have eaten something @BlueBay  - that will make a difference

And I think you have been in bed today - we all have bad days when we need rest and privacy

I think what's happening is that with practice you are learning to be more articulate with your circumstances - it certainly comes across in your writing - and I guess like all feelings your understanding is subjective - that is you understand it from a personal point of view 

Anyway - if you want to do the best for yourself then finish this week's work and insist on going to hospital after that - you will have done a good job

From what I gather you understand your situation but don't accept it - you have choices and most of them you don't take - but do what you have always done - just plugging along

But until you start screaming you aren't having a tantrum - even then - is it a tantrum - children have tantrums from a place of helplessness - as an adult you have been supporting your family through weeks of stress and you are tired

Cry though - why not - you are mostly worn out and incredibly frustrated and no wonder

I am glad you got yourself a top - now you can wear it - and hopefully feel good about it because you worked hard to earn the money

Dec