05-07-2019 09:18 AM - edited 05-07-2019 09:20 AM
05-07-2019 09:18 AM - edited 05-07-2019 09:20 AM
Wow @Silenus .
Just. Wow.
You've really captured the essence of bipolar. Seems like a major work to me. Thankyou so much for sharing. Love to you too.
05-07-2019 09:32 AM
05-07-2019 09:32 AM
It is an honour to add to the sum total...
Plus it was a lot of fun to write... I would let it bubble and stew and simmer for a few days, and then the words just poured out...
Imagery and symbolism are such a powerful way of using writing to explore and to communicate...
What is bipolar to me? It is both gift and curse...
In the real world, during my 25-year-odd professional working career to date, I have spectacularly burned out numerous times, only to eventually rise again, so the symbolism of the legendary phoenix has always been very close to my heart... that and Icarus...
Lots of hugs and happy vibes beaming your way, @eth ... and to everyone out there...
05-07-2019 09:54 AM
05-07-2019 09:54 AM
You are so eloquent @Silenus . I'm a bit pushed for words the last several days, despite doing the live reading on Tuesday. I feel a bit like I've got wet wings, striving to have a creative flow when not flying high.
05-07-2019 10:12 AM
05-07-2019 10:12 AM
Ahh yes, I hear you about the whole creative flow thing when not flying high...
The way I look at it, down time (even if it is forced upon us by depression) is very much a part of the overall creative flow... it is during our down times that we have what feels like an infinite amount of time to ponder our selves and our situations and relationships...
From that very simmering, unpleasant as it can many times be, comes the concentration of the flavours of your life, and those flavours spring out onto whichever creative artistic medium we choose as our form of expression...
For you and I, it is words... but there are so many other ways of expression that we each engage in... our very relationship with our mother planet is the truest form of art I can think of...
I wouldn't worry too much about the slight blockage to the creative flow, @eth ... after all, it is from the silence that the words come in the first place...
.
Anyhoo, enough Zen philoso-babble for now...
.
How did your reading go? It can be quite a confronting challenge to step up and bare it all on stage, especially if one isn't used to it...
In high school, a couple of my teachers saw something in me that I most definitely did not, and before I knew it, they had leaned on me that heavily that I had agreed to be a member of the school debating team (as first speaker), and part of a theatre sports competition doing improv...
For me, a shy and bullied boy, getting up on the main stage and doing improv in front of critics with big fists, it was an interesting challenge... hahaha...
I hated every minute of it... it was anxiety-inducing to the extreme...
But, oddly enough, I survived it, and eventually had a lot of fun with a great group of people...
Unless it is a topic matter that I hold very dear to my heart and know something about, I tend to remain quiet and desirous of ducking any attention... but if it's something I am really passionate about, you can't shut me up... hahahaaaa...
I look forward to hearing of your reading, @eth ... and maybe a hair dryer can get those wing feathers nice and fluffy again...
05-07-2019 10:24 AM
05-07-2019 10:24 AM
Hi @Shaz51 ... thanks for the hiya. I'm really quite peachy today, on a grey drizzly winter's day... the overnight clouds have kept the temperatures up, and the garden is loving some much-needed rain...
I built a raised wicking bed in my garden, and am almost ready to sow some winter veggies... yaaay! I love dirt under the fingernails and fresh produce springing forth... the more things I can grow, the fewer things we have to go to the shops for...
My compost heap gets lots of seeds from fruits we eat - pumpkins, capsicums, etc. And some seeds remain viable, and spring up in the oddest places where I have spread the compost to nurture the soil and plants... two self-sown butternut pumpkin plants have provided us with more free food than we can keep up with, and we gave some away to family... truly amazing... lots of roast pumpkin and pumpkin soup... nom nom nom... all I did was let the plants grow... (and keep shoving them out of the way so that they didn't take over our back lawn... hahaha...
Sending hugs to you, and hopes you are well...
05-07-2019 11:17 AM - edited 05-07-2019 11:17 AM
05-07-2019 11:17 AM - edited 05-07-2019 11:17 AM
@Silenus The reading went over better than I had anticipated. I actually got some laughs which felt great. It's hard to describe but all the other readings were in a very different type of voice and style to mine, very abstract and arty. Mine was about an experience I had when in a PTSD flight state and crashed out of bipolar psychosis on a beach that was crocodile territory. Woke up with my face being licked by a dog, surrounded by shreds of red tinfoil from a chocolate i had that the crabs had eaten! Won't post it here in case there are local people who might identify me.
I was extremely nervous, so much so that my hands and even neck were shaking, but it felt really good to have done it afterwards. Love your zen babble!
I had a brief brush with debating too.
Your garden sounds a lot like ours. We had loads of self-seeded pumpkins too this year as well as tomatoes and nasturciums, parsely and ceylonese spinach. At the moment we're harvesting passionfruit, spinach, basil, rocket, sweet potato, eggplant and a few other things. So rewarding of the energy we put in.
Great to be chatting again.
05-07-2019 04:30 PM
05-07-2019 04:30 PM
05-07-2019 06:59 PM
05-07-2019 06:59 PM
@Shaz51 ... I gotta say I hopped off the diagnosis merry-go-round a while back... for me, knowing it was bipolar was enough for me to research and get a grip on what I had been living ignorantly for decades...
I was diagnosed bipolar 2 because I haven't had a full manic episode, only (ha!) hypomania... but dsm definitions change, and I have definitely had a number of rapid cycling episodes and mixed episodes, so by recent definitions that would make me bipolar 1...
.
To me, it makes little difference... I am simply me, trying to survive being me... hahahaaa... what challenge could be more deserving of all of our life's energy and attention?
Huggles... ☺
05-07-2019 07:27 PM
05-07-2019 07:27 PM
love the hugggies @Silenus
my husband has bipolar 2
05-07-2019 10:04 PM
05-07-2019 10:04 PM
darkness
dark in my heart
dark in my head
darkness
makes me helpless
makes me hopeless
darkness
never my friend
never my days end
darkness
sparks the darkness
in my heart, pumping
in my head, torture
darkness
i fear in the dark
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