Poem - Crash Rash

[Silenus]

Written on the same day as the poem Penmanship, this poem really shows what a dark place I was in at the time. Sometimes I think about suicide. Unlike what most people possibly believe about suicidal ideation, there's no high drama or big emotions or anything like that. Just a calmness, as if it so totally doesn't matter whether you live or die...

I try to do more good than bad in this life. I am haunted by the people I have hurt either deliberately or inadvertently. I am haunted by all the bad things I did, the ignorant things...

Crash Rash

Sometimes I wish my plane would crash,
But that sounds really rather rash;
All these lives lost in the fall,
When all I crave is my curtain call.

Lost and lonely and afraid,
And at the edges very frayed;
This flag I fly is seldom unfurled,
This foetal position is often curled.

I think perhaps I’d like to live,
I kind of believe I’ve more to give;
I hope I’ve done more good than bad
But self-doubt keeps me deeply sad.

When I w.e.i.g.h up the bad and the good,
The scales lean bad on all I could;
I judge myself harder than all,
The architect of my inevitable fall.

[BlueBay]

Hey @GonePirate
This is how I'm feeling at the moment.
I can relate to this poem.

[PeppiPatty]

Wow @Silenus

I was in there with you. 

PP 

[PeppiPatty]

Me too @GonePirate

@BlueBay says it well. I wonder when we get good stuff happening? Ive got a poem too.....when I write it I couldnt bear to look at it for a couple of years.....Can I get some feedback?? 

On @BlueBay poem...yes....money is an issue. But at least we have medicare I guess but how DO WE get trhough @BlueBay ?? I bet it's your creative way of being ??

Please write more about it @BlueBay if you can, you have to get it out ??

This is my poem...please just .......know,,,,,this is how it WAS for me 

Oh I just pasted instructions for a piece of crochet.....Ille find it .......

PP

[BlueBay]

Worries

Worry worry worry
That's all my head will say
Why is there always something
To worry about

I know things hand to change
Is it me; or you or both
I get scared a lot
Of "what may be"

It shits me so much
That I'm the way I am
I wish I was strong
But I ain't

Running away would help
But them I'm all alone
I need a punching bag
I need to scream
But ni one is listening

Damn you depression
So dark in my thoughts
I hate you go away
And take away my pain

The hurt is unbearable
I don't know how to explain
I feel so sad
I just want it all to go away

I'm trying to get better
And then I fall back down
It then takes longer to get back up
I hate you depression
Worries and all

[Silenus]

Huge huge hugs @BlueBay - I've been where you so beautifully write from... depression is... yeah... it just is what it is. When you've been there, you get it...

I wish you all the best as you struggle with your worries, and work kindly and gently to heal your hurt, all whilst navigating the ins and outs of your relationship as well...

Sheesh... no wonder we're stressed and depressed and anxious! There's so much to deal with... all the time...

It is a grand struggle. Sending happy vibes your way...

Imaginating a nice aromatherapy massage for you, with that lovely calm natural vibe meditative music thing happening. Scents of cinnamon, vanilla, and lemon myrtle...

sending ommmmmm Zen vibes...

And more hugs... 🙂

[BlueBay]

Hey @Silenus
That massage OMG it's amazing Thank you.
I think we the ones on here are the only ones who understand each other.
Thank you for everything - the replies the hugs the calming massage and just being here for me. I know you get it. You really do.
But I don't know if I can keep going. It's hard it's a struggle it's a worry.

[GonePirate]

@BlueBay @PeppiPatty

sorry you two can relate

not a nice place to be in

but still here i lay

[eth]

I wrote this after I got my 2nd chance at this life .............

B5

Thru all my ramblings

From reincarnation to renegades

Ascension

Past lives and angels

B4 and B5

It never occurred to me

An act of omission

I guess

That right here, right now

Same issues, same dramas

Same friends and foe

Same family of origin

Was one of the options

No time to waste

Use each breath wisely

Mariomne

_____________________

[Silenus]

Wow @eth

That's an amazing poem...