... now ..Re: Poem - The Glass Demon

[Silenus]

Hi @Appleblossom - thanks so much. Hahaha... I ummed and ahhed about whether to post the Mulling It Over poem. Glad you got something from it... 🙂

Here's another silly one written on the green...

Weed to Succeed…

When life’s a drag,

Light a f.a.g;

When there is no point,

Suck on a joint;

When everything’s a joke,

Have a toke;

When you’ve got a gripe,

Puff your pipe;

When the world’s gone wrong,

Hit that bong;

When you just go “F**k it!”

Gather round the bucket.

I cry a little tear.

It’s really no surprise.

Smoke gets in my eyes.

[Silenus]

Sending the light of my loving compassion, @BlueBay

Hang in there. You're so right... it's hard to see the light when the darkness sucks you down. But it's there, that light...

Hugs. We'll get through these troubled times. Together we are stronger... 🙂

[eth]

Here for you @BlueBay.  Can you take some time out just for yourself? A walk or sit in a lovely park or at the beach?  Even a nice soothing bath.  What little things help you get through each moment ?  Hoping your hubby and kids understand that this time is difficult for you.

[BlueBay]

Mother's Day:

Tomorrow is Mother's Day
But to me it's just another day
Without you in my life
I'm trying to be a good wife
 
It hurts to much
But life is such
I just wish we were close
Oh there goes another dose
 
I see my friends so close to their mums
It just makes me sick in my tums
That no matter what I do
I'm still without you
 
You make me angry sad and blue
If only I could get through
This pain and hurt that you've done
Because you only believe your son
 
Mother's Day is hard for me
Because all I want is a hug and tea
But I know that you're there
And I wish that you would care
 
I cry and stare at myself
I don't why I don't believe in myself
I have so much anger in my heart
But now I have to make a new start
 
I see my little child that I was
Why can't you see it's just because
I need a mum to love me too
But you don't so that leaves me blue
 
How many chances do I give you
To stop me feeling blue
I try and try but to no end
So this is how I have to send
 
Just have a Happy Mother's Day
And you go on your lonely way
For I have children who love me so
For I am their mum and I will glow

[Silenus]

@BlueBay - you ask how to get rid of the pain...

Step one - definitely hold on to the wonderful family you have - your hubby and kids. Pain whispers things in our ears, like "Stuff everything" and wanting to up and leave. But that's the pain talking...

I won't try too much to guess at why your mum reacted as she did, but as much as it hurt you, it's not your fault. These terrible things happened to you, not because of you. The fact that your mother is too weak or just not capable of processing the truth says so much more about her than it does about you.

I have had some major issues and falling outs with my parents over the years - I won't pretend they are like your family situation, as everyone is different. But the pain is huge. The relationship we have with our parents is one of the most important in our lives, and it does much to shape us, for better or worse...

Here's what happened as far as I can tell...

A monstrous terrible thing happened to you. Abuse and betrayal of trust. This was in no way your fault. You needed to open up about it and confront it as an integral part of your healing process. You did the right thing. The fact that your mother is unable to accept or process the things that happened is also not your fault. It is a terribly sad thing, but not on you.

I speculate the pain was too much for your mum, and she lashed out at the bearer of ill tidings - you. It's a regrettable but all too human response, and it has caused you so much more pain on top of the existing hurt...

Stay strong @BlueBay - you have done a wonderful amazing thing by surviving it all, and by creating a loving healthy family with your husband and kids. That is a huge achievement, a victory of the heart. And that IS your fault... your broken heart, healing, loving, creating a loving family. That's a great thing...

Sending more hugs and gentle happy vibes your way @BlueBay 🙂

[eth]

@BlueBay I totally support and agree with everything @Silenus just said.  We are here for you.

[BlueBay]

@Silenus

I always expected my parents to support me and love me when something goes wrong.  I have always supported them and done things for them whenever they needed me.  I would drop everything for them.  At times I even put my husband and kids aside just for them.  And the one time, the only one time I so needed them - they abandoned me.

This is probably the wrong post to write my story, so I will start a new one and you can have a read if you like.

I just can't come to grips with the reasoning that it is hard for her - what about me?  I had to relive my abuse through therapy on many many ocassions.  I had to relive what those 3 horrible guys did to me as a 9 year old.  I do understand that it would have been a shock for them espeically my mum but I guess all i wanted was a strong loving hug and for them to say - we will help you, we love you and support you - but - i got nothing.  OK, i will write my story now.  It's hard but I want to write it for you.,

Thank you for your kind words about me raising my 3 adult children.  They are my world.  I am so lucky to be a mum after taking 5 yrs of trying.  But I succeeded and I am so blessed.

xxx

[BlueBay]

Thank you @eth 

I am so lucky to have made such beautiful caring and supportive friends on here.

Thanks again xxx

[BlueBay]

Hey @Silenus

I just remembered I have already written my story:  It's under Experiences and Stories and it's called

My Story (sorry I don't know how to link it)

xxx

[PeppiPatty]

 A person called @kato     has a wonderful thread on the lived experience thread about his poems and going through terrible turmoil. He is working now. 

@Silenus you bring up such valid pionts and I need to read and then read again because I have no ..ability to take anything in....

I wrote a poem on my mother on a dream I had.....It still impacts me on my self. 

Dear @BlueBay I like your poems. I also have a borderline/narcassistic mother and she has been the nightmare of my life.......

It's been really HARD to acknowledge that she lies about me and turns my brothers against me with her lies and money power. 

So; I'm going back to see my PSychotehrapist. To learn;

No motivation.

Tired aLL THE time.

why do I keep on going back to see if she loves me or not?

Why do I hold onto dates and times that are so painful?

Why ca'nt I cut her out of my life?