Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[eudemonism]

Not coping with my thoughts real well. It's goes from being a dystopian to a utopian and experiencing the full ranges of emotions that go with. It literally spins me right out. Meanwhile my real life just stays the same and never changes.

I'm confident i know what's going on. I'm confident my conscious mind is correct in it's own right, in it's own specific, strange and normal way. However it's also very dysfunctional and it ain't working real well. I'm down and out basically...

I figure I just gotta accept it and work with it as best i can... because i can't see a great deal of change happening anytime soon... basically because of fearing uncertainty, insecurities, and doubting it will work out... facing people/triggers...

Everything that's happened while I've been unwell has done damage and taken it's toll on me (the full storyline in my mind, the things in the real world it's attached to) + the treatment has also had a negative impact on myself... it's super frustrating and disappointing to think, realize and accept there's no getting on with life from this point onwards... but instead just having to accept everything for what it is...

[Former-Member]

I've pulled you up out of ditches and helped you cross over holes

I've been your bridge over rivers and your boat over seas

I've been there to get you over hills, mountains and up cliffs

I've helped navigate mazes and straighten out roads

I've guided you through tunnels and shown you the right way to go

Your whole life I have been there 

And never once did I not care 

I helped you with problems small, big and jumbo  

But see that's why I am the dumbo 

Because at one point you stopped needing that help

But because it was always there you decided to take advantage

So instead of useful I became a tool 

Something you used instead of learning for yourself

But that will not happen anymore 

You dug me into the ground

Well now it's time you learnt to walk on your own

[Exoplanet]

Her name is grief
she is a disease
A glimpse of sight
An echo of sound
A wift of scent
She can collaspe you down

Throw you off a ledge
and watch you fall
for so long
for such distance
Helpless
you fall

each moment she creeps
and consumes you more
she twists you
and turns you
spinning you round
pushing you down

If you survive it is not by her will
she tired of her game
but is lingering still
no matter what steps you take
nor with how much care
her name is grief, she is always there

@eth 

[Former-Member]

A very raw and beautiful read, thank you  @Exoplanet 

[eth]

So poignant @Exoplanet   I echo so much of what you've put in your piece.  It really moves me.  Thanks for tagging me.

[eudemonism]

I'm being crushed by the pressure my mental illness is putting on myself... I'm working on some short stories about dawn, noon and dusk... as i believe they are the three key points of each day... desperately wanting answers and validation from the psychiatrist about 'everything ' going on in my mind/symptoms... the underlying illness is still very present, the medication side effects are very heavy... and I've got comorbidity problems left right and centre... most days I'm living on a teetering balance and trying to turn negatives into a positives through my writing and journaling... i have to get on with each day as best i can and i have to remind myself to rest otherwise I'll end up going troppo and my illlness will get out of hand... i reach out for to the professionals for help, care and support... but very much feel like I'm burdening everyone... and like i should be strong enough to deal with everything on my own... but yea it basically comes down to living with my mental illness, medication side effects, comorbidity problems and also trying to function as best i can... it's hard to talk about my symptoms because they're all so implicated in my life story, the ones in my life and the world out there... i wish there were a cure........ i could go into psychology or psychiatry terminology to try and explain everything... or i could try and rely on great philosophies or teachings... but the fact will always be-im living with mental illness... i need to take my medication... and i need realistic expectations to work toward every day...

[eudemonism]

I'm only just beginning to realize the legitimate severity of the problems and issues I've been dealing with over the span of my lifetime... on a day to day basis in medical terminology-im faced with alot of underlying symptoms and medication side effects-which literally leave me disabled and unable to be categorized as having a 'normal mentality '... -in the bigger picture I'm just trying to get on with life, provide myself with my needs, self actualize and lead a good life... but please consider the two types of self actualization... the external type and the internal type... unfortunately i believe I've leaned and been inclined to the internal type of self actualization as a pose to external self actualization... because I've had to.... physically win or mentally win??? Can't have the best of both worlds ~ the difference being... ~ I was unable to provide myself with the external basic needs... my physical life was challenging... because of my legitimate problems and issues... experiences (traumas) which has made me to go for the internal type of self actualization... hence the reason for mental health issues and medication... (not really accepted by society/ways of the world/not taught about...) consider that i believe the key contributing factors behind my mental health issues developing was caused by my inability to provide myself with my external basic needs and go about my life in an extetnal self actualized manner... because of the ways of the world... because of my struggles... -extroversion was encouraged throughout my life... until I received help...  essentially!!! What does one do if they're unable to self actualize in the external way??? Become mentally Ill??? And look to self actualize internally instead??? But yes i agree... external basic needs and self actualization is probably the best way to live ones life... primary choice in other words... but unfortunately for myself I've had to let go of this and go for the internal type... and also consider... the goal is still the same... i believe the psychiatrists know this... plus also consider... whether a person is in the external self actualization mode or the internal self actualization mode... the factors, challenges, adversaries and detriment is still the same... the natural margin from one person to the next whom ever they may be is still the same... all battling for superiority... maybe it be explained by a favored hemisphere... may be certain people need to put the internal before the external... and other people need the external before the internal... the balance of both is important................

[Exoplanet]

Ooops, excuse me
Gotta pee
then get another coffee
it could be number 3
don't know, bad memory
I think bad things happened to me
like it does to everybody
but I guess, overall, I'm happy
& aint't that the way to be
in our society
in this place that's almost free
a place that I am lucky to be
Just made coffee number 3
with an extra dollop of honey
and extra milk that was icey
so really I'm having an iced coffee 🙂
that'll finish my poem nicely
so I'll post it for you to see.

[eudemonism]

Getting cranky and short tempered in the afternoons is just apart of life these days... i try to manage my issues as best i can... but it sometimes feels I'm loosing the battle to my own hand... the psychiatrists advice really don't get me that far... i could compare it to one bit of dust telling another piece of dust 'i have all the solutions... - to the problems i say you've got ' when it honestly couldn't be farther from the truth...

[eth]

@Exoplanet   I've done a first draft of my piece about grief but I'll put it on the "Experiences of Grief" thread later today.  It was hard to choose which event, which source of grief.  My life has had so many.  Your piece is still moving me.