Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[outlander]

that is amazing what you jsut wrote! @Silenus it makes perfect sense and measn quite alot to me

and yes i do agree if only some people would actually take the time out to actually take in what the writing is saying youll find there is often alot of meaning behind them.

[Silenus]

---

@outlander wrote:

Another day has gone
my mind keeps holding on
memeories of yesterday haunts me
but im trying not to let them defeat me
I struggle to live
yet I still continue to give

black are my wings
seared from a range of things
produce a fake smile
but is it worth while?

Fear of you and me
fear of others
thats invisible to see
now how can that be

im a lost soul
travelling but nowhere to go
lost with too mnay thoughts
too many that haunts

I cant pretend im ok anymore
I cant fake it, just shut that door
im hopeles, helpless and im scared ill never get better
my pain is killing me
I wish I could just be set free

locked in a prison with no escape
where my weary soul will reside
theres nothing left inside
the fate of my soul is long gone
for I have done too much wrong

the walls close me in
my pain sings
sings so loud but no one can hear

ive lsot my friends
what have I done
ive lost my family
where have I gone wrong
her voice got quieter
the nights got longer
fading away, just trudging through the day

this pain, this physical and emotional pain
theres nothing else I seem to gain
except this stupid stupid pain

ive fallen apart, im barely breathing
how can this heart keep beating
when theres no healing
a loneley girl with vacant stares
screaming inside but no one cares
my tears roll down but I cant make a sound
lonley am I in so many ways
lonley are the nights
loneley are the days

she sits alone
alone at home
where the screams are silent
but the mind is violent
her insecurities hid deepeningand they did indeed eat her alive

her face says happy
but her eyes say pain
thats just how it goes again

---

I feel your pain @outlander. This poem... beautifully written... it brought back so many of the feelings that I struggled with for so long... still those feelings course through me, but somehow I have managed to be able to let them flow without being carried away by them... most of the time, that is... sometimes, I still lose my way, and feel like the mad bugger in the barrel, going over the falls, falling, falling, falling...

Such powerful words. Thank you for sharing them... 🙂

[outlander]

Defeated
Empty
Pathetic
Rejected
Excluded
Stupid
Sunken
Isolated
Off balance
Numb
 
 
Overwhelmed
Used up
Torn
Lazy
Afraid
Nothing
Disgraced
Exluded
Rejected

Smiling on the outside
but shes fine right?
A silent tear runs from her eye
but she just wishes to fly high
if you could only see
then you might know how it feels to be me
her heart is beating but its dead
shes lost inside her head
I am far from ok

heres another 3 @Silenus

and thank you for those comments- im glad what im trying to say is actually coming out in these poems as well. i havent learnt to jsut sit with these feelings yet

[Silenus]

Funny how a mixed episode creeps up on you...

My least favourite mental state... it starts with a laser beam clarity of thought that just burns through anything and everything... it's like the clarity I get to my thinking when I'm heading way too high into hypomania... just before the racing thoughts and the mind shattering begins...

But at the same time there is this great sweeping mind blowing breathtaking emptiness and disconnectedness... like the worst of the worst depressions I have ever felt...

Extreme emotions clash against the total inability to feel anything... how can such mutually exclusive extremes exist in the mind at the same time? How is it possible to be all the way up and all the way down at the same time?

This is a mixed episode... totally beyond comprehension... you will never understand it if you've never experienced it... you will never understand it even if you have experienced it...

The worst war of all time... imagine it... that is what my thoughts, emotions and energy levels are doing right now inside the confines of my head... a battle without cease without a foxhole to hide in... there is no escape from the brutality of it...

This is where I am just now... I describe it and share it with you in real time, hoping that it helps others...

Usually, it lasts 3 days or so... I survive it... just... it is the worst mental state I know...

Hugs to you all... this is hell... but I've survived it before, and will again...

[BlueBay]

Sometimes children can't speak

sometimes children can't cry

it's only when they're older

that they let it all out

in my childhood i had nothing

no toys, no dolls, no bikes

and now i am older

i wish i had all the above

i cry cause i miss all that

i cry so much for my loss

i have no photos of my childhood

i have no nothing

i will never forget the pain

i will forget the tears

and i will never forget the words

that were said

you go and live your life

that's what you said to me

and we will live our life

well that's what i will do ........

and with tears i end this ..................

[Former-Member]

Hello @BlueBay, I can see things are really tough for you at the moment and wanted to let you know that I am here thinking of you.  I hope things start to feel a bit better as the sun rises on another day.  It sounds as though the past has been hard on you keeping yourself going as best you can right now.

Take care, MummaMia

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Former-Member

I am struggling a lot, waiting to get a bed in hospital.  it really annoys me when I have to wait.  It's a waiting game and I don't know if I can wait any longer.  

My past is tearing my apart, my trauma is really getting to me.  

sorry this is the wrong post to write this on.

fear is scary

fear is huge

fear is black

fear is dark

fear is the end

[Former-Member]

Hello @BlueBay, Waiting is really frustrating and the longer you wait the more you become stressed and anxious.  I can almost see these waves crashing over you right now.  I am wondering how you usually help yourself during this difficult times.  Do you have any strategies for yourself to ride through these waves?

Take care, MummaMia

[BlueBay]

i don't know at the moment i can't think @Former-Member

i am moving house on the 19th and the waves are getting bigger by the minute

the closer the date the bigger the waves

[Former-Member]

Hello @BlueBay, Have you tried any of your usual strategies like coluring, playing with the dog or knitting?  As the day is starting may be going for walk or grabbing a coffee might help?

Take care, MummaMia