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Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

I have just been told about this thread, and wanted to post my latest poem here.  I am by no means a good poet, having only just ventured into this form of expression over the past month or so.  But I do find it a very good way of self expression.  You can say things in poetry form which you wouldnt say otherwise I think. And I find poetry to be the most honest form of expression I possess.  I find that the only time I write poetry is when I feel really down, sad, distressed, afraid.  Its a very emotive thing.

Anyway here is my most recent contribution.  A poem I wrote a couple of nights ago.  I suffer from PTSD and anxiety often hits really hard.  My hubby is currently away for 3 weeks, so now is one of those times where I am struggling more than usual.  I hope you like my poem.  Heart

 

Anxiety

Why is it that my anxious brain simply will not allow me to forget?

Some images and fears are still so vivid that I break into a cold sweat.

 

Therapy has helped me see that things are not always as they appear.

I've challenged my inner thoughts, and know there is nothing to fear.

 

Medication I take to reduce adrenalin which is needlessly produced.

Attempts to slow my heart and the hope that a restful sleep be induced.

 

But still this anxiety is a part of me, day and night, tearing me apart.

The shaking, inability to catch my breath, and madly beating heart.

 

It seems that anxiety will never leave me, so embrace it I must.

It is my body's natural alert system, and now I must learn to trust.

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Welcome @Former-Member 🙂

Wow... amazing poem... thank you for writing it and thank you for sharing it...

I find poetry is a very pure way of writing... it strips away all the needless stuff, and focuses the mind of both the writer and the reader beautifully...

I hope these 3 weeks pass quickly for you Sherry...

Sometimes I look at it this way... hey... yeah... I'm struggling and hurting, but I wrote a good poem because of it...

From suffering comes art... we hurt, and our imaginations and creative fires spark to take us places we would not normally go...

We explore ourselves as we write... then we realise a wonderful truth... we may all be different, but we stand together pondering many universal truths...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you... 🙂

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Sending gentle hugs your way @BlueBay

Beautifully written...

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

My latest poem peeps... it's been a VERY rough 4 months... alas, such is life, swimming through the biochemical goop that is my brain... redefining the border between in and sane...

Struggles rhymes with huggles... 🙂

~~~~~~~ ♤♧♢♡ ~~~~~~~

My Truth About Bipolar
--------------------------------------

Forward warning... bipolar --> 3 month profound depressive episode --> 4 day mixed episode --> 2 days rapid cycling --> and back to duking it out with my usual panoply of internal demons and gods... oh wait... that is my totally honest to goodness normal life, every single day of my life... 24-7 and 365...

Back when mum died... the next day... hypomania... bouncy false-joy full of energy, vim and vigour... it felt so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so wrong... but there it was... my truth, my reality, my every day with bipolar...

No sense... no reason... the "normal" world kind of makes sense... but my thoughts don't... they often race away at speeds unimaginable to a person not affected by bipolar... it gets more and more intense... irritability levels skyrocket through the roof... it gets uncomfortable, then painful, then, eventually, unbearable... at ever-heightening levels, thoughts stop making sense... my inner voice gets garbled... my thoughts race so fast, all I get are tiny fragments, and my personality shuts down abruptly...

The art and majesty of bipolar? I've got a nuclear power reactor under the hood, fuelling my creativity, and that is a much needed outlet of energy... but I digress...

The art and majesty of bipolar? The whole time this intense crap is happening, bipolar is the weird spiky glue that keeps the mask of seeming casual happiness velcroed to my face... only a few can guess at what's going on underneath that life-saving mask...

Until, with bipolar regularity, it all blows up inside my own head, and then in everyone's faces, when the inevitable Chernobyl or Fukushima explodes... then it's time to try and repair the collateral damage immediately around the reactor meltdown site... sometimes, the only thing to do is walk away, toxic and sick with radiation poisoning...

For short periods (ranging from a few seconds and up to an hour or more), I don't hear people... I'm not being rude or feeling bored, but the incessant chatter of my thoughts lift to a roar, and they drown out my actual Really Real world sense of hearing... I leave the "real" world for minutes, sometimes hours... this is my reality of bipolar...

A lifetime with bouts of depression, anywhere from a few months to a few years long... down to where you don't function any more... lights out, curtains closed, in bed, not eating, not showering, not anything... dead but alive in a meat suit...

Comorbidity... other mental health issues hitching a ride on the bipolarcoaster...

Fear...

Overthinking...

Suicidal ideation...

ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR... I actually cannot write ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR any other way... upper case lower case upper case lower case... I avoid stepping on cracks... I am a cleanaholic... I often count things in my head, can't turn it off...

Anxiety attacks... gaaaaaah...

There is so much more I would wish to write about my bipolar, but my mind is racing... and please... shhhhh.... my demons are here, rattling the cage walls of the Octagon... I must continue my part in the eternal struggle that is equal pain and joy... this gift of life...

I equally accept and fight my demons, and continue to strive for art through natural life...

Mindfully, I meditate my self away, so that all the noise and pain is happening to "that guy" [points to "me"]...

That's okay... that guy can take it...

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Thank you @Silenus

It means a lot to me.  Hope you are well. xxoo

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

@Silenus

Now I've just read your post and I had a feeling you weren't doing okay.  Is it since you got back from overseas? Because I haven't seen you on here for a while I thought that something is not right.

@Silenus I really feel for you and hope that one day you will find the peace you need to calm your mind. 

I don't suffer from bipolar but can only imagine how difficult these ups and downs are for you.

Pls take it easy.  love to chat to you anytime. xxoo

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Thank you @BlueBay

It is a beautiful thing, this love and compassion we share with each other, even as we ourselves hurt so very much...

The greatest gift that pain can give?
Teaching us better ways to live.
Seeing that everyone suffers pain
Is the first step to being sane...

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Aww @Silenus that is beautiful.

Thank you xxoo

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Hey @Silenus

I'm off to work now so I hope you have a really nice day. Woman Happy Hope it's sunny where you are.  Chat later on today. xxoo

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Yes @BlueBay - this latest episode of mine was triggered by lots of bad things that happened during my trip overseas visiting family...

I found out so many terrible family secrets... why was I told these things, I wonder? What purpose was served? Is truth really that important?

I can process it and deal with it... this is not beyond me...

But it takes an inevitable toll... it fires my bipolar thought and mood storms into full swing, and it takes everything I've got to survive it...

But I made it... I am heading back towards whatever my "normal" is...

So tired...