Hello @Dimity
{~740 words}
Thank you for your greeting and acknowledgement re oiling of blades.
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I believe that I have attended about 15 counselling appointments on a weekly, now two weekly basis. It hasn't necessarily been a quick and easy process. However, the counsellor did suggest at the beginning that I might need to be prepared to deal with some significant feelings, in both their strength as well as number. I am pleased that she gave me that warning because I was, in this way, prepared for that to occur, as it has.
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We have discussed issues, or more specifically, my responses and reactions to issues, from as far back as when I was 5 yrs of age. That's 65 years ago, so my responses and reactions to those issues have been evident for that period of time. While my conciousness of those past issues hasn't disappeared, and likely never will, my own responses and reactions have, I believe, changed.
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One of the things that I have endeavoured to do, in the past, is suppress and, or sublimate{a} my feelings and concerns about issues. Unfortunately, as has been recognised more recently, in psychological and psychoanalytic theory, that suppression and sublimation are subject to the same, or similar principles, in a manner analogous to engineering applications. There is an equal and opposite response or reaction. Consequently, what we often do is exert mental pressure in a way that produces an equal and opposite force. No wonder we reach stages in our lives where we "simply can't take anymore".
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The way that I seem to have dealt with my present, real time situation, as distinct from what I have allowed my mind to think was going on, is to "vent the pressure from the cooker". This then tends to remove pressure from the system, the system being us. Once we release the pressure, the system comes to a "point of equilibrium", or balance, with regard to pressure, temperature, tension.....etc.
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In order for this process to take effect, we have to, as my counsellor suggested, be prepared to "turn around" and face what we fear. The issues are really not what we need to confront and deal with, because many are 65 yrs old (as in my situation) and so far back that they no longer exist. It is our reactions and responses that we have held onto, and come to accept, as if they were a real and necessary part of our lives. They only exist because we think that they do.
It may be worth an internet search and consideration be given to "stuck points". I am in the process of writing a synopsis, on that subject, at the moment.
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One of the situations that brought these considerations to a "crescendo", was/is with regard to my relationship with my oldest daughter. I have been so afraid of never having a significant relationship with her, that my fear was what got in the way of my acceptance of the existence and reality of that relationship. Once I let the fear go, the tension was released and I now enjoy the reality of the existence of that very positive and affirming relationship. And, if that relationship was not what I might have wished for, then I would also have had to accept that position.
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In recognising and accepting our present life positions, we are allowing ourselves to consider the freedom of other positions in our lives. I still have other children with whom I would like to establish relationships. Now I feel much more free to consider the possibilities, but also to accept the outcomes. I am also more free now to consider other possibilities, in terms of relationships {not necessarily romantic, but neither excluding any possibilities} hobbies, projects etc. I have learned to consider options and possibilities, rather than simply begrudging the losses.
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{a} sublimate /ˈsʌblɪmeɪt/ verb: sublimate (in psychoanalytic theory) divert or modify (an instinctual impulse) into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity.
Points considered:
"suppress hurtful intrusive memories and bad experiences"
"It would be nice to deal with some long-standing issues and grief but it's unlikely to happen. I know it impacts my mood and energy, and my ability to form and sustain relationships.
A note that I sent to another member recently regarding mindfulness and tension:
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With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
Edit: Minor word edits for clarity 7.45 am Mon 25 Oct 21
